I’ve never stopped feeling like the start of the school year was the “real” start of the year. When the crayons and binders go on sale at Target I start to unconsciously take stock of my life.
This year I’m coming up short. Really, really short.
– I haven’t run once since April 13th.
– For the last two months I’ve worked every night until midnight if not 1am.
– I’ve been working weekends.
– I’ve been dropping the ball on deadlines, promises, friends, family.
– And worst of all, I haven’t touched my novel since June 30th.
I’m disappointed in myself. I’m losing focus and allowing myself to get sidetracked from my true goals, from the things that really matter to me. I’m fulfilling other people’s goals to the detriment of my health and my family.
It’s not really working for me any more.
I’m a big believer in the adage “Live your passion and the money will follow.” It’s the path of true happiness. All too often though we get confused and reverse the phrase. But you know what? Following the money never leads to passion. At best it leads to more money in the bank.
I love writing fiction. Nothing else makes me feel more fulfilled or content. It’s my passion. Sadly it’s not a lucrative one. At least it’s not a quickly or guaranteed lucrative one. But it is my passion and deep in my heart I know that if I pursued it properly it might lead somewhere. And yet, I can’t seem to allow myself the time to do what needs to be done so I can succeed as a novelist.
The school year is looming. Bright Back-to-School posters have bloomed in every store window. Supplies and cute clothes are on sale. Kids are getting hair cuts and buying new shoes. Everything smells like fresh start and possibilities. I’m going to ride that wave.
Once again I’m going to attempt to take control of my life and my future. Happiness is a choice and I’m choosing happy.
I’m going to lighten my work load and I’m going to resist filling it right back up. I’m going to start running again. I’m going to pick a race to train for. I’m going eat better, sleep more, and generally take better care of myself. And last, but most definitely not least, I’m going to take the time to finish the edits on my novel so I can finally send it out.
As a friend said this weekend, this is going to be the year of awesome. I’m determined to make it so.