In 9 days I hop on a plane and head across the country, sans husband or kids, to spend three days partying, schmoozing, networking, and learning with some 1000 other bloggers.
I am looking forward to my time at BlogHer more than you can possibly imagine. There’s nothing like spending that much time surrounded by like minded people, sleeping in comfy hotel beds, and chatting, chatting, chatting. It’s like a long girls night out punctuated with tons of learning and growing.
So, as I said, I’m delighted and excited, but I’m also devoured by guilt and anxiety.
I’m not worried about the social aspect. I’m over that. (And if you’re not and you’re anxious about it, check out this awesome list of Commandments for BlogHer Success. Be sure to read the comments too!)
No. I’m worried about the money.
Last year when I went, a) in San Francisco so I drove, and b) I was still working and I had steady writing work lined up, so the finances weren’t an issue. This year I’ve been freelancing for almost a year, that steady writing work turned out to not be steady at all, and nothing else has been much steadier. To say that I haven’t earned much in the last year is putting it mildly.
So I feel pretty guilty to be skipping off into the sunset to go have fun at a conference on the other side of the country. It’s a significant expense and I really don’t feel like I’ve earned the right to spend the money.
I’m still going. And I’m trying to get over it, because it’s going to be good for me on many, many fronts, both personally and professionally, but it’s so hard to not worry about each and every dime that is going to be spent. And it’s so hard not to feel guilty about spending that money. Especially since I haven’t earned it myself.