Upon noticing that M had headed out to the grocery store for the second time that day, C asked me why he had to go back. I explained that he’d rushed out to get us some dinner. She thought about this for a minute and then turned to me.
“How come you always have plenty of food for us in the house, but you never have food for you guys?”
The truth really is that they’re easier to shop and stock up for and we like more variety than they do. The other truth is that I’m programmed to make sure there’s always food for them, and I’m really bad at doing the same for us.
I summed it up for C by telling her that we were just better at taking care of them than taking care of us.
Her eyes grew wide and concerned.
“But mommy! That is bad! You have to take good care of yourself, it’s important!”
I looked down at her sweet, earnest, innocent, concerned face and promised to try harder.
The next day I booked two outstanding doctor’s appointments and I re-joined Weight Watchers.
She’s right. I take great care of my kids. I make sure they eat balanced meals. I don’t let them eat too much sugar. I insist that they get enough sleep. I push them to spend time outside and move their bodies as much as they can. I even limit their screen time to foster their imagination.
I do none of that for myself.
I’m the one who preaches to everyone that you have to take care of yourself so you’ll have the ability to care for others. Clearly I have failed to take my own advice to heart.
I’m trying to change that.
I’ve been on Weight Watchers again for 4 days and it’s going well. I saw both doctors and stated taking prophylactic medicine for my migraines. (It’s not working yet, but at least I’m addressing the issue.) I’m going to bed earlier. (The meds make me sleepy, so really that’s not so much part of the resolution as a lucky side effect.) And last, but not least, I’m resolving to finally make appointments to see the dentist and an ophthalmologist.
It’s a start. I’m still on the computer too much and not moving enough. But it’s a start nonetheless.