Out of State Again

standard June 21, 2011 6 responses

I knew my summer was going to include a lot of travel again. I’ve known this for month. It was actually supposed to be worse, with a conference and a Life Coaching seminar each month.

By postponing the coach training until 2012 I’ve pared things down pretty radically, but the travel still looms.

Looms pretty close if you take into account the fact that I leave for North Carolina really early tomorrow morning.

Oh yes. Tomorrow.

I’ve done the laundry. I’ve thought about grocery shopping. I’ve even lined up five days worth of playdates, childcare, and other entertainment.

And I’m still nervous about leaving.

Last year I left at least four times, skipping away to the other side of the country, without thinking twice about it. This year, after the unrest of the last few months, this departure feels momentous and fraught with worry.

I know they’re going to be fine.

I know I have countless friends just standing by, waiting to jump in and help at the mere hint of a request.

I even know I have friends standing by, waiting to jump in whether or not there’s a hint of a request.

And yet it feels so momentous, to take myself out of the equation for five days. I’ve been M’s rock and the family’s glue for two months. I’ve been there at every turn, to watch and step in, to manage everyone’s emotions, needs, hopes, feelings and everything in between.

It’s a good thing for me. I need to go. Need to get back into the groove of work. Network with bloggers and brands. Speak about something that means a lot to me. Remember what it’s like to be Jessica Rosenberg, Professional Blogger, not just Jessica Rosenberg, aka Wife, Mommy, Caregiver.

It’s a good thing for M and the kids. They need me to go. So they can remember that they know how to survive without me.

Our lives haven’t stopped. They’ve just changed course. It’s taken me two months to see that what I thought was a radical transformation, is really just going to be a shift.

I’m no longer scared to lose myself in this change. This trip (and the others planned for later in the summer) are just proof of my determination to make that be true.

These guys are going to be just fine. Now I need to take care of me.