Just over a year ago I met a potential client for a quick lunch in downtown Palo Alto. The cafe, a tiny place well populated by your usual brand of Silicon Valley entrepreneurs, was crammed, so we jammed ourselves between a guy working on a laptop and a wall.
In no time at all the potential client and I hit it off (and ultimately became friends, but that’s a whole other story) and our conversation grew animated as we got excited about our conversation topic. The guy next to us seemed totally oblivious to our laughter and chatter. He was really focused on what he was reading, only taking breakst for quick bursts of laughter or mumbled “oh, but of course!” and “that’s so smart!” or “I should have seen that!” punctuated by rapid fire bursts of typing.
Being a nosy Nelly, it didn’t take all that long for me to turn to him and comment on how much he appeared to be enjoying what he was reading.
Turns out he was reading his publisher’s edits on his book. On parenting.
I had just turned in my own book to my publisher. And I’m quite well versed on the whole connecting with parents thing.
Don’t you just love it when things just fall into place?
We spent the rest of our meeting time talking about parenting and book writing and promoting, and bloggers, and moms, and a million other things pertaining to the whole publishing thing. And of course, before we all said our goodbyes we exchanged emails so we could meet again.
That man’s name was Jim House, and his book, Resetology; Calming and Connecting Secrets from the Principal’s Office, finally came out today. There’s even a section in it written by me!
Want to know a bit more about Jim and Resetology? Keep reading! I interviewed Jim for you guys.
So, what exactly is Resetology™?
Resetology™ makes life easier for busy parents by equipping them with the confidence and ability to quickly calm kids, transform irritating moods, and connect in fun ways you’ve always longed to.
All of the parents I’ve trained are good parents (it’s only good parents who seek out additional parenting resources) and still they all confess that there are plenty of frustrating interactions that happen on a daily basis.
The short-term goal is to strip the emotion from the scene. While that’s a powerful skill to have, long-term goals are more important. As parents, we teach our kids to clean their room, to do their homework, and to use a knife without cutting themselves – things we think are important for their future success in life. But how often do we teach them skills to manage their own emotions and moods?
Finally, Resetology shows you how to build the connected relationships that become a legacy that you hand down to your kids and grandkids.
OK. That sounds great, but, what’s the background on Resetology™? Where did it come from?
I struggled as a first-year teacher and almost failed. My instruction was solid, but my classroom management skills needed work. I was a new teacher so I definitely need some coaching, but my supervisor went extreme. I was led to have students fill out stacks of worksheets all day long so they wouldn’t have time to misbehave. It was killing the students and frankly it was killing me, too. That was not what I expected teaching was going to be like. I knew there had to be a way to manage students’ behavior and attention in a way that was more engaging for them and less painful for me.
Two years later I was teaching the new techniques that I developed to all of the new teachers in the district. Then later as a principal I adapted these techniques, which became Resetology™, to use with poorly behaved kids–from stubborn honor students to gang kids who were fighting. I used these techniques with thousands of kids–kids of every disposition and in most every situation.
And now you train parents?
As a principal I spoke daily with parents who were frustrated with her children’s behaviors, so it was natural for me to share these techniques with parents. I’ve been training parents in workshops and as individual coaching clients for a few years, and my book, Resetology™: Calming And Connecting Secrets From The Principal’s Office is a natural extension of that.
Can you tell us a little more about what you teach in Resetology™?
Using the simple metaphor of a cookie recipe you can first learn how emotions work. Then you’ll learn how easily you can get your child, or yourself, to change their emotion. And finally you learn the powerful ways to build strong connections–especially after those times when you lose it. It’s going to happen, but Resetology™ has a specific four-step process you will use to repair and restore your relationship and reconnect.
Sweet! One of the chapter is “Pssst . . . Your Kid’s a Navy SEAL.” Can you tell us about that?
This is a fun chapter in which I reveal the three things that are always going on in your kid’s head. First, your kids are Navy SEALs of reconnaissance and observation. Like the real SEALs, your kids are watching everything you do, and they’re remembering. Second, in most every situation where they interact with you, your kids have already internalized a predictable range of responses to expect from you. This is what I expect from mom on a good day, and this is what she’ll do on a bad day. Same for dad. And third, they are certain that they can outsmart you.
Once you realize these things are always going on inside your kid’s head, you can use that to your advantage. That’s where The Reset™ and Resetting comes in.
Wait. What’s Resetting?
The majority of frustrating situations that parents deal with involve low intensity emotions—not doing their homework or chores, picking on their brother or sister, or ignoring mom and dad. Resetting will give you the power to manage these situations in brand new ways.
But there can be times when the emotional intensity is very high and you enter the red zone– either your child or both of you. In the book I teach a technique I call the Dimmer Switch, which is the same technique I used to transform big angry eighth graders who had just been a fist fight and were were escorted to my office. They would sit down trying to rip the armrests off of the chair, and two minutes later I was having a calm rational conversation with the student about their behavior and the consequences.
Sounds like there’s definitely food for thought there! How did you come to be creating Resetology™ at this time?