Today, instead of waxing poetic about living in the silver lining of life, I bring you instead “Making Pear Vanilla Jam in 25 Easy Steps, a tried and true story from the annals of my days. Learn from my mistakes my friends, learn from my mistakes.
1 – Buy a huge Costco sized bag of pears in preparation for a Memorial Day camping trip with friends.
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Yay! Camping! |
2 – Bring home more than 2/3rds of the bag at the end of the trip.
3 – Spend three hours perusing pear recipes on Pinterest.
4 – Decide that you absolutely must make Pear Vanilla Jam. Yum.
5 – Go about your business for a week.
6 – Remember your Pear Vanilla Jam plan and look up recipe.
7 – Make mental note to grab some vanilla beans and pectin next time you’re at Whole Foods.
8 – Wait a few more days until you realize the pears are getting a bit over-ripe.
9 – Go to Whole foods and buy vanilla beans after gasping at the price. Grab some pectin while you’re there.
10 – Open pectin box and discover that there are two packets in there. Wonder why one is labeled activator. Close box and decide you’ll deal later.
10 – Go on Facebook to ask if you need new lids for your canning jars.
11 – On the recommendation of all of your followers and each of their cousins, head out to Cost Plus World Market for new canning lids.
12 – Find lids at the hardware store instead. While you’re there pick up another box of pectin. This one is “normal.”
13 – Go home and realize you bought the wrong sized lids.
14 – Check the recipe one last time and realize you need at least 8 pears. You only have 5 left and two look way past their prime.
15 – Go back out to the store to get more pears. While you’re there get the correct sized lids.
16 – Wait a few more days until you have a nice stretch of time to devote to your jam making.
17 – Start peeling pears.
18 – Throw half of the original pears – the modly ones – down the garbage disposal.
19 – Swat at a few fruit flies.
20 – Peel new pears and start cooking them with tons of sugar.
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Mmm sugar. |
21 – Check Youtube for videos on how to use vanilla beans.
22 – Let pear, sugar, vanilla mixture simmer while you clean jars and lid.
23 – Finish the canning process and pat yourself on the back.
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Or post to Instagram, the modern day equivalent of the pat on the back. |
24 – Research how to fight fruit fly infestation and spend two weeks battling the damn pesky things.
25 – Bake some Bread Machine Challah and treat yourself to the best snack you’ve ever tasted. You earned it!
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Mmmm. Heaven. |
Make sure to carefully store the jam you made. It’s going to be a while before you attempt this again.
LOL I could so-o do this! Seems like I have done something similar previously.