Today, instead of waxing poetic about living in the silver lining of life, I bring you instead “Making Pear Vanilla Jam in 25 Easy Steps, a tried and true story from the annals of my days. Learn from my mistakes my friends, learn from my mistakes.

1 – Buy a huge Costco sized bag of pears in preparation for a Memorial Day camping trip with friends.

Yay! Camping!

2 – Bring home more than 2/3rds of the bag at the end of the trip.

3 – Spend three hours perusing pear recipes on Pinterest.

4 – Decide that you absolutely must make Pear Vanilla Jam. Yum.

5 – Go about your business for a week.

6 – Remember your Pear Vanilla Jam plan and look up recipe.

7 – Make mental note to grab some vanilla beans and pectin next time you’re at Whole Foods.

8 – Wait a few more days until you realize the pears are getting a bit over-ripe.

9 – Go to Whole foods and buy vanilla beans after gasping at the price. Grab some pectin while you’re there.

10 – Open pectin box and discover that there are two packets in there. Wonder why one is labeled activator. Close box and decide you’ll deal later.

10 – Go on Facebook to ask if you need new lids for your canning jars.

11 – On the recommendation of all of your followers and each of their cousins, head out to Cost Plus World Market for new canning lids.

12 – Find lids at the hardware store instead. While you’re there pick up another box of pectin. This one is “normal.”

13 – Go home and realize you bought the wrong sized lids.

14 – Check the recipe one last time and realize you need at least 8 pears. You only have 5 left and two look way past their prime.

15 – Go back out to the store to get more pears. While you’re there get the correct sized lids.

16 – Wait a few more days until you have a nice stretch of time to devote to your jam making.

17 – Start peeling pears.

18 – Throw half of the original pears – the modly ones – down the garbage disposal.

19 – Swat at a few fruit flies.

20 – Peel new pears and start cooking them with tons of sugar.

Mmm sugar.

21 – Check Youtube for videos on how to use vanilla beans.

22 – Let pear, sugar, vanilla mixture simmer while you clean jars and lid.

23 – Finish the canning process and pat yourself on the back.

Or post to Instagram, the modern day equivalent of the pat on the back.

24 – Research how to fight fruit fly infestation and spend two weeks battling the damn pesky things.

25 – Bake some Bread Machine Challah and treat yourself to the best snack you’ve ever tasted. You earned it!

Mmmm. Heaven.

Make sure to carefully store the jam you made. It’s going to be a while before you attempt this again.