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A birth story 6 years later

standard May 2, 2011 7 responses

I’ve always wanted to be a mom. It was my thing. Babies were my passion, one I indulged with endless nights and afternoons of babysitting.

So, when my belly got huge (and huge it was…) and the day dawned when the baby would be born, I thought I’d be in and out of that hospital in no time.

See, I felt so in control. I felt like I was going to ace the giving birth part as easily as I had aced the getting pregnant part and the carrying of the baby part. Clearly, I had been right all along; I was made for this baby thing.

To reinforce my belief that I was in total control, I went into labor the very moment I had told my doctor I would go into labor: two days past my due date, right after M left for his last final of the year.

And that is where my control of the situation ended. It was as though C wanted to send me a message from the womb. “Mom, you might think you’ll always be in control. And really, you’ll be able to hold the reigns most of the time. But in the end…. I’m really in charge around here.”

Not drugged. Just sweetly oblivious of the ensuing chaos.

I labored for 26 hours after that first contraction hit. 26 hours with nothing to show for it. I walked and I napped and after the epidural I just lay around begging people to please move my 10 ton legs around for me. And when the OB walked in, fully dressed in green scrubs, I knew exactly what she was going to say.

“It’s been 26 hours and you’ve made it to barely 5cm. This baby has to come out another way.”

The nurses were already bustling around me, getting me ready for the surgery that they weren’t really waiting for me to approve. All I heard was the Boop Boop Boop of C’s heart monitor. My baby. Happy inside my womb. Completely unmotivated to come out on her own.

M pushed his way through the throngs of people that had magically materialized in my previously deserted room.

“Wait. Everyone, please just stop for a second.” He took my hand gently in his and looked me in the eye. “Are you ok with this?”

I wanted to laugh at his sweet innocence. There was no stopping that tide of nurses, but I saw in his eyes that if I said I wasn’t ok with it, he’d find a way. 

I didn’t really hesitate. The only thing I cared about was the baby. The baby currently stuck inside me, showing us her will even before being born. If the doctors thought this was the safest way to get her out, then who was I to try to stop them. It never occurred to me to consider that I was agreeing to major, potentially life threatening surgery.

“Yes. I’m ok with this. If it’s what’s best for her, then it’s fine.” I whispered back and the nurses moved in.

Today I know the risks that come with a c-section. I’ve been incredibly fortunate. I recovered easily. I had no complications. And C was born healthy, if a tad peeved at her rude extraction.

Today I know that control is a mere illusion. As a parent all I can do is make the best decisions I can regarding my children’s health and well being, with the knowledge I have. So far I’ve been pretty lucky. And really, my four inch scar was a small price to pay for this.

Welcome to Bump Month! 8 bloggers and I have teamed up to spend a whole month talking about moms and babies. We’re going to share stories and wonderful companies who help us make it all look easy and fun. Stay tuned for more trips down memory lane to my long past pregnancies and infancies and for a killer giveaway! Read the other Bump Bloggers birth stories here.
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7 responses

  • Jess, I love these pictures. So nice to take a walk down memory lane. You looked so blissfully happy to meet little C. And then I have to tell you that I teared up to see her so tiny! Those little fingers! That yellow onesie! That giant pacifier! Can you tell my pregnancy hormones are raging?

  • JDaniel came five days early. I thought I had everything under control until he arrived befirevhe was planned too

  • What a great story, I love birth stories! I also had a c-section but I love how you put the part about the 4 inch scar being worth your little one. So sweet!! <3!!

  • We should be so grateful that our tiny dictators are benevolent and cute! Loved your post!

  • Loved reading your story! I was exactly like you-a complete sucker for babies. I always knew I wanted to be a mom more than anything else and I got my wish four times over!

    You were brave to post that photo! I have none of me in labor and am glad I don’t!

  • grrr. wrote a whole comment and it’s gone.

    You were SO calm! You really had given up control! Love the way your husband came in to help.

  • 34 hours labor here……about to do C-section when she finally came out. It was a long 34 hours. 🙂 But worth it.

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