A few days ago I found the first emails that my husband ever wrote to me. They were sweet, so very, very sweet.
At the time I was struggling. I’d just broken up with my second boyfriend, a boy who loved me, but who was not in love with me. I was still hurt from the previous relationship which had ended after five long years of emotional abuse and chronic cheating.
Into all that anger and confusion and just plain hurt, sweet, amazing M walked in. He was kind and compassionate. He listened to me and he opened his heart wide up from day one.
That level of vulnerability was terrifying at first. I felt damaged and my first gut instinct was to turn my hurt around and project it instead of internalizing it. And then I looked into his sweet blue eyes that were so trusting and open and instead I felt my own heart start to heal.
If you ask M he’ll tell you that I’ve taught him a lot over the years. Truth is, he’s taught me more.
He’s taught me to be vulnerable. To let people in.
He’s taught me to trust again and to give of myself with no reservation.
He’s taught me kindness and compassion.
All in all, he’s made me become a better person.
This weekend M got some challenging medical news. It’s nothing we’re not going to face bravely, but it is something infuriating. Just when we thought we were at the end of one painful road, we discover that we’ve just been diverted onto a completely unexpected side path, and that first road still needs to be crossed.
We’re reeling. And hurting. I’m mad, sad, confused, and mad all over again.
I’m pretty sure M is feeling much of the same.
It’s been a really long weekend. There are a million emotions running through me and yet I just feel overwhelmingly grateful.
I’m married to the most amazing man in the world. He’s proven it time after time over the years, but this weekend he proved it all over again.
Once a long time ago I equated vulnerability with weakness. Then I met the man who showed me that vulnerability is actually the greatest strength.
And this guy? He’s beyond strong.