Money, money, money…. not that funny

standard January 28, 2011 1 response

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I have… issues with money. I just looked through my archives so I could link back to some posts and prove this to you, but each and every post touching on money that I’ve written or attempted to write is apparently sitting in draft mode destined to remain unpublished and unread. If that isn’t proof enough, I don’t know what is.

I don’t want to go into details. It’s not worth it really. Suffice it to say that anything to do with money causes me great anxiety. So, instead of dealing, budgeting, tracking, being smart, I leave it all up to M.

Checks come in for work I’ve done and I stack them on the mantel. Presumably he takes them to the bank because they don’t linger up there for long.  I only notice because they’re gone when I put new checks up there.

I know. My attitude is somewhat horrifying.

Fact is, it’s easy for me to be lazy and hands off about our family finances. I married a man who’s great at saving money. He keeps my our spending in check and he stashes everything away. He’s smart and he’s responsible and so I can hand my checks off to him and close my eyes. And while it works wonderfully from a stress perspective, it means that today I have no idea what I’ve earned this year.

I’ve been working hard. I’ve been bringing in money. But beyond my regular paycheck, the rest is a bit of a blur. Since we don’t live paycheck to paycheck, whatever I earn just goes into savings. It takes away the pressure of needing to count the pennies rolling in. It also means that I can accept gigs because of what they are rather than what they pay and if the payment is late… truthfully, I barely notice.

It hasn’t bothered me at all for the last year, but now I want to have a better sense of what’s coming in. How well have I really done? I struggled for a year freelancing and earning peanuts, now that I’m actually earning money blogging and writing I’m curious to know what it amounts to. Is it at least paying for my book habit?

Add to that the fact that, should everything go as planned, I’m going to be growing that freelance income by leaps and bounds, and really, it’s high time for me to start keeping track of my income. Eventually it will come to impact our family finances as more than just savings. When that day comes I want to be actively involved in the process.

It’s another of my hopes and plans for the year. I’ll say here for the first time so you can all witness it: “I am willing to become financially responsible and aware.” 

Now I just need to figure out how…

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1 response

  • I know just what you mean about money anxiety. These last 3 years of my husband trying to start a business and not having a paycheck took away any confidence I ever had in finances. I hate it.

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