I sat down tonight to put everything from our home calendar and my phone calendar into my new life planner. Between what’s in my head, what’s on the fridge, and what’s in my phone, it’s amazing I haven’t missed more appointments in the last couple months.
C’s school has umpteen events, the preschool has a ton going on, I have work appointments and, when I can, I see my friends. I the middle of all that there are the kids themselves, the husband, and the simple fact that I work 25 hours per week.
Oh, yeah, and that coaching thing that I want to do. Four four day seminars being hosted in a town over an hour away. Seminars that I somehow have to fit into my already hectic life.
The first seminar is scheduled for the first week of May, Wednesday through Saturday. That Monday M kicks off a 4 week trial and that Friday C has grandparent’s day at school followed by a Spring concert in the evening.
The second seminar is scheduled for the first week of June, same days… that week C is off school Thursday and Friday.
We’ll figure it out. I‘ll figure it out. It might involve a bunch of driving to get back for the concert, and it might involve hiring a temporary sitter for those four days to drive the kids around and be there in the evening. But it definitely won’t be easy or guilt-free.
When I first got everything down on the page of the planner, I blanched. The timing couldn’t be worse. The timing could never be worse. There’s always going to be a school event, a daycare thing, a work to do. There’s always going to be me facing two paths – the mom path and the personal path – and feeling torn no matter which I chose.
I looked to see if maybe there were alternate seminar dates, but for the time being these are the only two sessions offered. I hesitated, looked at the already chaotic week, then I wrote them down in the book, in pen no less, and I made a mental note to find a childcare solution for the days I’d be gone.
If I didn’t truly believe that this was the road I need to take to eventually be home more for my kids, if I didn’t truly believe that this was the right path for me, I might have shrugged my shoulders, closed the book, and moved on. But I need to remember that those two paths – the family path and the me path – they bob and weave and intersect over and over again. Even more importantly they feed off of each other.
I can’t be a great mom if I’m not at peace inside my head, and I can’t be at peace inside my head if I don’t pursue my dreams. Maybe the calendar challenge is really a big deal, or maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill – letting Egmos do his thing, creating the doubt, making me think I’m not worth the effort and the extra hassle.
Either way, I’ll find a way to make it work. I have to.