Most evenings M and I tag team, I feed the kids while he cleans up, or I fold laundry while he feeds the kids. Then we tag team the bedtime routine, books for one, teeth for the other. Whoever isn’t with the kids at that particular moment is cooking the grown-up dinner. We pass each other in the hall, squeeze hands in passing, steal a quick hug, even a quick kiss.
Yes, we’re romantic saps. Get over it.
Once the kids have been tucked snuggly into their beds we meet on the couch where we eat our dinner while catching up on one of our favorite TV shows. We chat briefly during the commercials or by pausing the TV when something springs to mind. They’re not real conversations, more like soundbites about our days.
And when dinner and the show ends we rarely continue the conversations. I usually have work to do, M usually takes a walk. It’s all part of our evening dance. Meet up, spin away, meet up, spin away.
I’m not complaining. I’m the one who usually sets the tone for the post dinner routine. I learned to entertain myself in the evening back when M was in law school. When he graduated I never got out of the habit.
So it strikes me as odd that I’ve been incredibly lonely at night this week. M has been in Boston since Saturday evening and it has turned my world upside down. Ironically the issue hasn’t been so much while dealing with the kids, but after, once they’re asleep.
It’s quiet here, even with the TV on. There’s no one to laugh with, no one to chuckle at my snarky comments, no one to hug or touch when I feel the need for human contact.
M and I have been together for 10 years, married for 8. He’s the only person in the world I can spend all day with and never feel the need to step away for a moment. He’s more than my husband, he’s my best friend. And I don’t like not having him near me. I don’t like not being able to talk to him when I want to, or being able to just look up and see his smiling face. And I definitely don’t like not having his comforting presence in my bed at night.
(It’s so bad I even miss his snoring. But please don’t tell him, I’ll never live it down.)
M gets home tomorrow night. His plane lands just around the time the kids usually go to bed. I’d keep them up an extra hour so they can say goodnight to their daddy. But I think I’m going to be selfish and put them to bed on time. He can sneak in a give them goodnight kisses.
After that I want him all to myself. We have lots of catching up to do.