Yes, I’m kissing my birth control good bye. No, it’s not why you think. We’re done having babies for the time being. Four people in a two bedroom house is plenty for us. Plus, I’m never, ever sleep training another child in my own room. Ever.
But I really am kissing it goodbye. For real, not all birth control, just this particular kind.
I went off The Pill for the first time almost 5 years ago. Sure, at the time we were gearing up to start trying to conceive our first little munchkin, but I was also really, really tired of having my moods controlled by artificial hormones. I’d been on The Pill for over 10 years and I was just done. So I stopped taking it and I felt great, really, really great.
After C was born I refused to go back on it. The thought of being controlled by those hormones again made my skin crawl. So instead I tried a diaphragm on for size. It worked for us. It wasn’t ideal, but it wasn’t bad either.
Let’s skip forward a few years past the birth of our second baby. The birth of the baby that left some painful scarring that made it suddenly impossible for me to wear the diaphragm, leaving us with limited options. Granted, options we weren’t against using, but still, limited.
Plus I started getting migraines. And painful cramps. And the controlling hormone hell memories had somewhat faded. And so I let myself be swayed by the smooth talking, Pill pushing OB.
I went back on The Pill.
Three seconds later I had put back on the 5lbs it had taken weeks for me to lose. Three more seconds after that I had put on another 2. Then my face broke out. I whined to a friend, who told me to suck it up and give it a couple months, that my body would get used to the changes.
I sucked it up. I gave The Pill not a couple months, but four months. Four long months. And now I’m calling it quits. I’m kissing The Pill goodbye. In fact, I’m kissing all forms of hormone birth control goodbye. Buh bye. Tah tah. Go torture someone else.
Not convinced? Think I’m being too hasty? Consider this:
- No more babies. Phew.
- More migraines, not fewer, more, yes more.
- Odd intolerance to tomatoes. Linked to the migraines, as in they trigger them.
- Pimple face. All. Month. Long.
- Crazy screaming she-witch at completely random, unpredictable times of the month. Ask M.
- Insane weight gain, despite a healthy diet and exercise.
- Depression. Apathy. Complete and utter lack of motivation.
See? I’m not crazy. I think The Pill is slowly killing me, and frankly I can’t think of a benefit in the world worth that. Well, maybe a humongous life insurance policy, but we don’t have that, so instead I’m just going to stop taking the hateful little things. There are other ways to keep from adding on to our family. We’ll just have to find one that doesn’t destroy me along the way.