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I’ve lost that lusting feeling, for babies.

standard March 11, 2009 5 responses

Blogging about how it’s starting to feel right to be a family of just four got me wondering about why it felt so right all of a sudden.

I used to look at people who proclaimed that they were done, done, done like they’d grown a second head. What did they mean “it just felt right?” How could it ever feel “right?” How could you ever not crave another pregnancy, another baby?

I’ve had baby fever for as long as I can remember. I’ve been babysitting since I was 14 and even before then I’d go all weak kneed at the sight of any and every baby. Babies loved me and I couldn’t get enough of them. I used to freak out my college boyfriend by raving about how sweet babies smelled and how much I wanted one, like, right now. Then he’d go all white and trembly and I’d have to take that back, but I still wanted babies of my own, or babies to hold, or babies to cuddle. I wasn’t picky, I’d even change nasty diapers just for the chance to be close to a baby.

It was baby fever, I had it bad, and it never went away. I couldn’t fathom how it could ever abate, let alone vanish.

C and Little L have the same fever. I see it in both their faces when they spot a baby. Their eyes light up and they instantly start cooing and reaching towards the tiny infant. They take turns rocking car seats. They sing songs and fuss with blankets. And they do it every, single time.

I don’t any more.

I’ve lost my baby fever. I no longer long to hold every infant that comes my way. I have a special place in my heart and in my arms for some particular infants – daughters and sons of close friends and family – but parents can now wheel their strollers by me without fearing an onslaught of baby talk and absurd cooing from me. I still adore babies, I just don’t crave them any more.

I’m not sure when I lost my baby fever, but I think it’s the real reason I feel like I might be ready to call it quits. Even as I write that though I’m shaking my head in wonder. Where’s the girl who ran to hold all her colleague’s and friend’s babies?

I don’t know how it’s possible to not crave another infant, but I think I might be there anyway. This morning I got more excited at the thought of passing off our bassinet than at the thought of meeting the baby who would be sleeping in it.

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5 responses

  • Wow! I’m amazed at how definite you seem. I still don’t feel done done done. Every new testament of Juliette’s independence makes me wonder if I could do it again. And once I’ve had a glass of wine, forget it.

  • I think Im getting that way now. Im still unsure if Im ready for another one but im afraid to call it quits just yet. But whenever someone walks by with a baby I have no desire to hold the baby. i used to be just the opposite.

  • Not me. I *still* want to hold every baby in arms reach.
    Every one of them is cuter than that last.
    They smell so good; baby smell even trumps the smell of garlic and onions sizzling on my stove!
    I’m 48, have never birthed a baby from my loins, but I have two adult stepchildren.
    I know that as I get older, I am constantly losing my patience and tolerance and could most definitely NOT raise a baby at this stage in my life.
    BUT, that said, we went to a 1st birthday party the other day and I walked in, picked up the baby, and heard my husband say in the background, “Oh, now she’s happy. She’s got a baby in her arms.”
    He was right. (BTW, held that baby for two hours straight – wouldn’t give him up until I had to!)

  • Heck I don’t want to even hold my baby anymore! (Just kidding)

    But I am with you, done, done and done! I made sure of it during the c-section – while you are in there doc, can you do a little snip snip?

    I think I will make a wonderful grandmother some day though 🙂

  • I too have suffered from baby fever for four years as i have a baby every year for four years! I couldn’t wait to get pregnant again but this time since my 4th has been born I have no urge to have anymore babies. maybe my fever has been cured? I will only know when I see another pregnant women and not feel jealous.

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