It’s time for a shift in mindset.

standard August 10, 2008 5 responses

I woke up after a nice long stretch of sleep pleased as punch that Little L slept from 7:30 to 6:30. I brushed my teeth, peed, then stripped down and stepped on the scale, just like I do every morning, convinced that, despite yesterday’s rant, all my hard work would have finally paid off a little.

Yeah. Not so much.

In fact the number was higher than it was yesterday. Yes. Higher. Leaving me all of 0.4lbs lighter than the day I started Tweightloss. My team is going to be so proud of me. Not.

My mood instantly turned and I found myself right back in the grip of the anger and frustration that acted as my muse yesterday afternoon. I ranted and raved about nothing and everything until M pointed out I was being a bitch, but even knowing I was out of line didn’t help. I wanted to break something, make lots of noise, and then collapse and cry it out.

So I harnessed my foul mood and destructive energy and I got to work on some home improvement projects we’d been ignoring for too long. I hung up a couple pictures, relishing each and every BAM of the hammer. I regrouted the bathtub, embracing the calming focus required for the job. And then I took Little L with me to Home Depot to gather some more supplies. We came home and I fixed the gate to the garden and propped up our drooping peach tree.

I’ll be honest. By the time I left for Home Depot my mood had already greatly improved, aided by a walk and ice cream with some friends. Home Depot was cathartic, getting stuff done was even better. I can’t remember the last time I got so much done around the house. It felt grand to turn my focus outwards.

And now I’m here on my couch. Drained. I feel like I ran a marathon. Or fought my way out of quick sand. I feel dumb that I let something so trivial govern my emotions for the last two days. I feel ridiculous for going all ape shit here. I wasted two days torturing myself about a measly 15lbs. I’m not dying. I’m not sick. My pants don’t fit properly. Clearly I need a little perspective.

I’m going to try hard to remember that I’m doing the right thing even if my scale doesn’t reflect the hard work I’m doing. I’m also going to try to kick my scale habit and only step on once or twice a week. It scares me how much that number influences my attitude for the day. It’s not healthy to be that obsessed. Maybe my pants will soon fit better, maybe they won’t. But at least next time I pick up a hammer it will be because I really want to hang a painting, not because I want to smash something in anger.

Wish me luck. Kicking the scale habit isn’t going to be easy.

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5 responses

  • I have tried to kick the habit too. My husband is 13 inches taller than me, so I ask him to put the scale up on top of something I can’t reach. I then have to ask him to get it down, and after saying I didn’t want to weigh myself, I get embarrassed to ask too soon. Not sure if that would work for you, but good luck! I completely understand how one bad weigh in can make your day feel crappy.

  • God, I could have written this.

    I am stuck in a similar rut where I start by being furious and frustrated with myself and them move to being angry with myself for being angry with myself.

    I need some persepctive, and maybe a new outlook too. Mostly, I need to get out of my own head.

    Hang in there.

  • You know the experts really say that weighing yourself every day is not a good indicator of how much you are losing. Weighing in once a week around the same time is key. Though I have to admit, that now that I am pregnant (and the dr. gave me a 10lb gain) I am terribly obsessed by the scale. But like you said…its a little sad that your life can be ruled like that. I like to tell myself that sometimes being healthy does not reflect itself on the scale.

    Good luck!

  • When I was losing the weight after Juliette, I was completely obsessed with the scale. It was down in the basement bathroom and I would literally sprint down there multiple times a day to check in again. The kids would ask where I was going and I would reply …. nothing…. because I wasn’t listening to anything other than that little internal voice saying what is it now, what is it now, what is it now….

    A good number would leave me elated and a bad one very very discouraged.

    Now I’m no longer obsessed with the scale, but I am obsessed with fitting in exercise 5 days a week.

    Good for you for tuning out the voice and turning it into something productive.

  • Last week was a rough week for me as well – I managed to maintain the 2 pounds I lost though.

    Hang in there – this week will be a better week for both of us!

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