I didn’t quit Facebook when all the other mommy bloggers staged their coup. I should have left right then and there, but to be honest I was interviewing for a job with them at the time and I didn’t want to irritate anyone before I even met the key players. In my defense I made a big deal about the affront to all nursing moms during the actual interview, but I’m not sure the twelve year olds I meet with understood why we were offended. It goes without saying that I didn’t get the job.
Once I’d made my stand in person I didn’t feel like it was necessary for me to quit the network in protest so I stuck around, but I’m not really sure why, it’s not like I even like the place. Yeah, so I reconnected with some people from my past. But really, if I’d wanted to be in touch with them I probably would have been, right? OK, so I can send private messages… euh… isn’t that what e-mail is for? And, and there are all those third party plug-in thingies. Great I’ve always wanted to play scrabble online. NOT. If I had time to play scrabble I’d be playing with my husband on the dining room table. I can use it to promote my blog! Or not, since most people from the real world don’t know about the blog and that’s just fine for right now.
So what’s left? Well, I’m thrilled you asked. As far as I can tell the only thing that is left is the best Trojan Horse of all time; it’s all about the stupid annoying forwards. I get an email from Facebook and, I’ll admit, I get a little thrill; a friend! A personal message! Who could it be? I rush to open the email and click on the link. I get to the Facebook page and log-in. And there I’m invited to load yet another third party application. I load the application and finally, at long last, get to my personal message. And it’s a message that was sent to the thirty thousand people on my friend’s friend list! “Kittens are cute! Squee.” “Hug some trees!” GAH. Instead of taking three seconds to delete the forward from my email inbox, I’ve just wasted five precious minutes. Time I could have spent reading blogs, or writing, or sleeping, or, or anything would be better really.
And so, I think it’s time. You heard it here first. I’m quitting Facebook. If you want to be my friend you can find me on Twitter or on a hundred other social network sites. If you want to tell me something shoot me an email, I promise I’ll open it within seconds of receiving it. And if you want to send me cute forwards, please don’t, unless you know for a fact that it’s going to make me laugh ’till I cry, or help me win a million dollars.