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Tough transitions at the end of the day

standard March 28, 2008 5 responses

At the end of my workday I dash to my car and hightail it to the girl’s daycare. I pull into the driveway and take a deep breath, steeling myself for the next step in my busy day. Some days I actually have to give myself a pep talk before getting out of the car; I’m already so tired and I know that it’ll be hours before I get to bed. I dread going in and having to be responsible again, I’d much rather go take a nap. I cherish those few moments of solitude in the car, but then I turn off the engine and get out.

I walk in and my eyes dart to our diaper bag: blankets, lovey, doggy; the kids are both awake. I head into the living room where I’m greeted with cries of “C! Your mommy is here!” and C’s shrill “Mommy!” She runs to me and jumps in my arms and instantly I’m OK again. I hold her tight and feel some of the tension drain away. She wriggles down and I look for Little L who is nearby, flapping her arms and squealing in delight at seeing me. I savor the act of pulling her close to me. Her soft pudgy arms snake their way around my neck and her gaping mouth seals itself against my cheek in its slimy imitation of a kiss. I retaliate in kind and for a moment it looks as though we’re trying to eat each other.

Holding her tightly in my arms and feeling her passion for me makes me feel whole again and I can’t imagine ever dreading being with her or her sister. They never make me feel like a failure or even less than perfect. They never think less of me because I goofed something up. They want nothing more than to be with me, to see me smile at them or cuddle with them.
“It’s time to go.” I say to C as I head for the door with the baby in my arms.
Where minutes ago all I wanted to do was run away to be by myself now I want nothing more than to huddle on the couch with my baby on my lap and my toddler by my side and I’m anxious to get home so we can start our evening together.

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5 responses

  • isn’t that just so true?? our children are gifts to our lives. they bring us so much joy and happiness… and chaos.
    happy friday!

  • And to think, there was a time when being “just a mother” was taking the easy way out.

    It is the most confusing, contradicting, guilt-ridden, worst paying profession on the planet.

    No man would do it.

  • I agree with the previous comments… such a contradiction of feelings.. I constantly ache for them when Im not with them, yet I love that moment at night when they’re finally tucked into bed and sleeping (or getting ready for a 45-minute giggle fest..whatever)

  • Oh yeah! Some days I can’t wait to get out the door to work, but it just isn’t ‘right’ until I get home and the kids squeal and come running up for a hug!

  • This made me goose-bumpy. I haven’t been blessed with babies yet. What you said is everything I long to know!

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