When I was pregnant with C I spent a lot, a lot, of time on the iVillage message boards. I had a ‘siggy’, I posted every day, I read everything avidly, there’s really no doubt about it, I was an addict. When C was born I stuck with it. The playgroup was my link to other moms in the same boat as me and the Exclusively Pumping board kept me pumping through many a tearful evening.
I loved those boards. I loved the camaraderie, the support, and even the comic relief unwittingly offered by some of the posters. The one thing I couldn’t stand were the hateful ‘blinkies’ “I make milk, what’s your superpower?” and “Mama’s milk bar open 24/7.”
I spent ten months attached to a hospital grade pump, slowly squeezing out breast milk drop by painful drop. For three hours a day I sat in front of my computer blogging and surfing iVillage. As the milliliters painstakingly accumulated those blinkies goaded me. My milk bar wasn’t open at all, and if making milk was my superpower well then it’s a good thing the world wasn’t waiting for me to feed the masses. With the 10oz a day I managed to coax out I was barely giving my daughter the bare minimum she needed to get my antibodies, let alone making enough to fully sustain her dietary needs.
A year and a half down the road I’ve come to grips with the piss poor performance of my breasts. They’ll do what they can and I’ll do my best to accept their shortcomings. I don’t think I’ll torture myself for a measly 10oz of breast milk a day. The baby wouldn’t mind the time I spend attached to a pump, but C would, and I don’t think I could bear to hear her say “mammy, putta pump down” in the same voice she uses when she asks me to put the ‘pooter’ down.
As for secret powers? If I start to frequent the iVillage boards again I’m going to make myself a blinkie that reads “I fix toilets, what’s your secret power?” Because, dude, my momma taught me well, and when it comes to fixing leaky or broken toilets no one holds a candle to me.