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Inertia

standard April 20, 2007 Leave a response

Every evening as I drive home from work I think back on my day and wonder what’s wrong with me. I spend my days in a job that I don’t particularly enjoy, but I don’t do anything about it, and I can’t figure out why.
I’m a smart girl with a ton of great ideas. In the last five years I’ve thought of a dozen careers that I would be great at. I’ve started at least two ventures that I could find really fulfilling if I devoted even a little time to developing them. I’ve read countless how to books for things I find fascinating. But I have nothing to show for any of it.
I don’t understand what is keeping me from doing the things that would make me happy. I know that I’m busy, I know I don’t have a lot of free time, but the time I do have is wasted, squandered. I tell myself that it’s just laziness holding me back, and it’s very possible, but at the same time that excuse seems too easy, a cop-out. But the truth is that it just seems that everything I’d like to try would just take too much energy, energy I don’t have to spare. Just thinking about most of them makes me want to curl up and take a nap.
I’d love to teach or become an editor, but I can’t fathom having to go back to school. I want to freelance, but I can’t seem to find the energy necessary to even start researching an article. I want to sell lots of books or toys, but who has the energy to host parties? It’s hard enough to make dinner every night. I want to call a career counselor to find the perfect niche, but I can’t seem to bring myself to dial the number. What if she suggested something that would be time consuming that I would really have to commit to in order to succeed?
I need to find a way to get over my state of inertia. I need to get myself moving. I just don’t know what it’s going to take to make that happen. Clearly yearning isn’t going to cut it.

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