Yesterday I made the decision to finally get help. I’ve reached a point where I can’t picture myself coming back to my current job after this baby is born. At least, not without exploring some other options first. When M finished law school I told him over and over again that he shouldn’t just settle for the job he had, he deserved to give himself some options. I think I owe myself the same courtesy. I found a local career counselor who comes with high praise and good references and I fully intended to call her on Monday to see what she can do for me.
In a meeting this morning I remembered why I love the place I work. As we brainstormed the different programs we want to launch in the fall I looked around at the people I work with and I was struck by how much I like and respect them. As a team we do great things, we help lots of people, and I really believe in our mission. I listened to them plan and dream and I had an epiphany. I don’t hate the place I work, in fact, I quite like it. It’s the job I hate. I’m bored and I need to feel challenged again. I’m just not sure I can find that there.
Come Monday I’ll be calling that career counselor. Even if I decide to stay put I think I need to know what I want to be doing, what I’m capable of being. In my dreams she’ll tell me that I’m a natural born writer and that I should focus on finding freelance work, but seeing my blog stats I have a hunch that just won’t happen. But at least she might be able to help me find the words to negotiate the job of my dreams in a place I believe in.