In the last hour I have sat on my comfy ratty couch with me feet up on the cluttered coffee table. The cat is curled up on top of a big couch cushion just behind my neck. I can hear him purr and murmur in his sleep. C is fast asleep in her crib and M is away at a conference. I am catching up on my TV watching.
In the last hour I have watched Men in Trees and Grey’s Anatomy, two of my favorite shows. I have laughed and cried. I have pondered why I love watching television dramas so much. I haven’t come up with a reason. I have cried and laughed some more. I pondered why watching family scenes always makes me sad. (No prizes to anyone who can figure that one out…) I cried a little more, you know, just to try something different.
In the last hour I realized that I have lost all control of my emotions and that I might as well accept the fact that I’m pregnant and that it’s not about me any more. At the same time I might as well accept the fact that loss of emotions goes hand in hand with the loss of the ability to eat whatever I want… Hello tears… Hello heartburn.
In the last hour I have felt safe and happy. I needed this time. It’s been a hard week or so. I am taking on some exciting ventures which are a tad overwhelming. Sometimes watching strangers on TV provides the perfect outlet, allowing you to let your guard down enough to let off necessary steam, or tears, as the case may be.