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Wake up to your life

standard September 30, 2006 2 responses

There comes a moment when all of a sudden you wake up and you look around you and you don’t recognize your life. Like, at all.
One day you are an idealistic college student, you have dreams, aspirations, no glimmer of an idea of what the future holds, and then all of a sudden you are living a stranger’s life and you have no idea how you go to be in the middle of it.

You have a child, you have a husband, you even have a house in the suburbs.
You drive an SUV instead of a cool two seater sports car.
You don’t have a high powered advertising job where you work a million hours a week, but love every minute of it. Instead you work a 9-5 job at a small non-profit agency, watching the clock like a hawk to make sure you don’t miss daycare pick-up time.

I’m not saying this life isn’t nice, but when it’s not the life you imagined, sometimes it comes as a bit of a shock. You want to cry, punch something, scream:
Is this all there is? Wasn’t there supposed to be more to my life? Wasn’t I going to DO something?
Is life really about disecting the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy? What happened to all of the adventures? What happened to seeing the world? Wait, wasn’t I going to join the Peace Corps?

I often feel as though my life has gotten away from me, that I am just a spectator waiting to see what will happen next. I feel powerless to change the course of anything, letting myself drift where others push or pull me. Trying to change things at this point seems either senseless or even a little selfish. Why rock the boat? It seems to be going so well for everyone involved.

But at the end of the day what about me? Who am I in the middle of all this? If I’m so busy living this life that has built itself around me, how do I go about figuring out who I am? And once I figure out who I am today, how do I reconcile that with who I was back then?

I know I am not the only one dealing with this. I know I have friends also struggling to find themselves. I know they are as depressed about it as I am, possibly even more. I just wanted to say:
I don’t have the answers, but I want you to know that you are not alone. I’m just as lost as you, but I’m happy to be your sounding board while you figure it all out.

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2 responses

  • Anonymous

    Thanks for everything! You have no idea just how much we, I, need people like you in our lives! I’ll let you know how the search goes.

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