How to put a toddler to bed in 7 easy(ish) steps.

1) Bathe toddler in warm soapy water. Sing soothing songs as you bathe her. Resist the temptation to launch into rousing renditions of “I’m a little teapot” and “Itsy Bitsy Spider” as these tend to incite too much excitement.

2) Wrap toddler in warm bath towel. Take her to changing table. Wrestle her into previously chosen pajamas. Realize halfway through that said pjs are much too warm for the evening. Choose different pjs. Wrestle now screaming child into new pjs. All of your careful soothing from the bath is now all undone. Let child down from changing table to run around for a bit.

3) It is now almost 8pm, bedtime. Make toddler’s night-time bottle. Coral child and plop her in her crib with her bottle, her doggy and her blanket. Turn lights out and instruct child to call you when she’s done with her bottle so that teeth can be brushed and kisses doled out.

4) When the toddler calls out, go into her room. Find her toothbrush, find the toothpaste, crawl around until you find the fluoride drops. Get the toddler to lie down so that you can maneuver the toothbrush between her teeth. Wrestle with her for a minute or two until you think that the brush has glossed over at least half of the teeth. Console the angry child with the yummy tasting fluoride drops.

5) Offer her a choice of pacifiers. Convince her to put her head on the doggy. Tell her you love her and leave the room.

6) When she starts crying five minutes later give her a few minutes before you go in to see what’s going on. Go in and repeat 5. Rinse and repeat. And again.

7) Heave a sigh of relief when you haven’t heard a peep out of her room for over ten minutes.

That’s for a normal night. On nights like tonight when the baby is sick, all bets are off and praying a cajoling are entirely permissible.

This post was inspired by this week’s Sunday Scribblings.