I didn’t cry six months ago when I helped S decide that it was time to move on.
I didn’t cry four months ago when she landed her new job and started planning her move.
I didn’t cry six weeks ago when she started cleaning out her office. (yes, it did take 6 weeks…)
I didn’t cry three weeks ago when we had her big send off party.
I didn’t cry at that party while I delivered a touching speach about how much she means to me.
I didn’t cry for the following three weeks as she packed up and shipped more and more of her office.
I didn’t cry as she handed out the files and things she was leaving behind.
I didn’t cry last week when one of her replacements moved into her office.
I didn’t cry last week when I sat with her and watched the movers pack all of her things.
I didn’t cry on Saturday when we had a last swim party.
Yesterday S took off for Austin, TX. And all of a sudden I realized she was gone.
And I cried. And cried. And I can’t stop.
I’ve been busy being the supportive friend. I know that this move is a great thing for her. I know she is going to be happy. She’ll have a home of her own, and space for a puppy. She’ll have a great job where she gets the respect she deserves. She’ll be close to friends, but able to meet new people.
I just never let myself realize what this loss meant for me.
She’s been my closest friend and confidante for the last three years. We work together and hang together. We talk everyday even if it’s just by text message. She’s the one we called when we had the stomach flu and needed sustenance. She’s the one who watched our daughter the one and only time we went on a date this year.
I can’t believe she’s not going to be at work tomorrow when I walk in.
I can’t believe she won’t be there when I go in with C on Friday.
I can’t believe that C won’t have her in her everyday life. I can talk to her and email her, but C? She can’t do all that, and I know she’s really going to miss her S. And it breaks my heart to think of it.