Comments on It's my life...: Are you the parent your parents were?

From my mother I learned the importance of fairnes...

2011-03-29T06:47:17.818-07:00

From my mother I learned the importance of fairness. Particularly that fair was not always equal. For example, I was the oldest, so I got to celebrate all the age associated milestones first. There was no getting around that. When I was old enough to drive, I inherited one of my grandparent's sedans as my first car. That was fine. I was truly grateful. Two years later when my younger brother got his license, my parents bought him a second hand Firebird. It was their way of making that important milestone unique and special for him and it was fair.

From my father I learned you give everyone one your trust upfront (but maybe not ALL of your trust), until they demonstrate that they don't deserve it. The other thing he taught me was "learn what people drink." (Set the question of alcohol aside for the moment) People would come to our home the first time and my father would learn what their favorite beverage was. When that person returned to our home, be it a week, a year or a decade later, my father new what that person's favorite beverage was and he had it on hand. He didn't keep a list or anything. He simply knew it. It was his way of being a fantastic host. It put people at ease in our home and demonstrated that he knew and remembered you.

Funny... I'm 31 now, and I can think of so man...

2009-10-15T19:37:40.854-07:00

Funny... I'm 31 now, and I can think of so many more things I want to be like my parents in than things I'd change. First, which some of the women here have already said, I could ask my parents about anything - and I mean anything. And I really tried to trip my mom up and embarrass her on some of the sex stuff, but she never failed to answer - or help me find an answer. I also was up against a united front on everything - even if they didn't agree. Both my parents were also very big into doing a LOT of research for any major decision: vacation or what car to buy, and they instilled the importance of that in both my brother and I. Also, I never once doubted they believed I could be anything I wanted when I grew up - and that they would always support that.

Honestly growing up was a little rough but I was b...

2009-10-15T18:37:44.687-07:00

Honestly growing up was a little rough but I was born to teenage parents and now becoming a Mom myself I can see the hardship my parents must have gone through, especially my mother and all my Dad put her thru and then to be a 15 year old Mom on top of it... they did the best they could. I am not certain there is much my parents did I wish to do as a parent, because they were very aggressive and not always around. They did their best, but my sister and I raised ourselves pretty much.

I'm still convinced I'm smarter than they ...

2009-10-15T16:08:28.369-07:00

I'm still convinced I'm smarter than they were about this being a parent thing--not about anything else--but I'll never know.

That's because, unlike them, I had a pretty good stable home environment growing up. They might have been emotionally crippled by tough childhoods, but they sure didn't let that deeply affect what they did for us....maybe how they responded to trouble, but eh, not enough to turn us into cripples.

They had me pretty old (in their 40s) and died before they could offer their opinion about the job I was doing with my kids.

Does it count that many of the things they did wro...

2009-10-15T11:39:35.768-07:00

Does it count that many of the things they did wrong have taught me how to do things ... right? Is that a nice way to phrase criticism?
I treat my husband as my equal, not my superior.
I commiserate, and yes even laugh when milk is spilled.
I talk about sex, drugs, booze, boys and any other difficult topics.
I teach my girls to be self-sufficient, to cook, to clean, to iron, to fold stuff, to pick up after the dog.
Does that stuff count? Because I'm not sure I'd understand all that if they hadn't taught me otherwise. :)

My parents made it clear that I could talk with th...

2009-10-15T07:13:01.814-07:00

My parents made it clear that I could talk with them about any topic, any time. I try to emulate that with my kids; I hope that they will always feel I'm open to listening, even if we don't agree on how to handle something (my kids are teens, BTW). Also, my parents were and still are my biggest cheerleaders and supporters.

My parents presented their children with a united ...

2009-10-15T05:02:00.309-07:00

My parents presented their children with a united front: there was NO playing one parent against the other. "What did your mother say?" was always Dad's response to "Dad, can we...?"
They also showed us what it meant to have a loving marriage, a marriage where both partner WANTED to be there, with each other and with their children, and they didn't want to be anywhere else!
And they loved their children. Completely and whole-heartedly, without reservation or qualification and not only when we were behaving! There wasn't one minute in my 48 years that I didn't know I was loved by my parents.
And if my children can say that when they are adults and have children of their own, well then, I've successfully become my mom!!!

Why is it so easy to come up with the bad things y...

2009-10-14T23:45:14.873-07:00

Why is it so easy to come up with the bad things yet so hard to come up with the good things?
Off the top of my head: my good thing
My mom was a really good cook and shared a love of good (and healthy)food. I share that with my kids Seems trivial in some ways yet so important in other ways since this is how we get our nutrients to grow, to think, to thrive.
On the topic of trying things..

How Do You Praise Your Child
Check out this article and video that I found on praising effort vs. intelligence. Links are towards the bottom.