Things I'd pay for on Twitter

A few days ago I read an article that mentioned the big Twitter question: What's Twitter going to do to start earning some money?

It made me think. What would I pay for on Twitter?

I love that Twitter is a free service. No doubt about it. But I'm a huge user. I'm on there multiple times a day. I have lots of followers. I follow lots of people. In short, I'd stay if I had to pay. I'm addicted. Can't live without my Twitter!

That said, if I were a paying user there are a few things that I'd expect in exchange.

1) I want to be able to search my followers and the people I follow.

2) I want to be able to organize my followers and the people I follow into categories and priority lists.

3) I want the option to email people. Or at least send longer Direct Messages. Maybe 200 characters, or, gasp, 250.

4) I want click-able links on people's profile pages.

5) I want a faster way to follow back people. When I follow back I look at bios, conversations, and relevance. I click on every single profile page. It takes a long time.

It's not much. And it definitely doesn't mean that I don't think that Twitter is amazing just the way it is. I'm just saying that I'd be willing to pay for the service and it would be unbelievable if they took it a half step further.

What would you pay for on Twitter? What would you like to see improved?

*Photo by Bakerella. Found on Twitterlogos.

Wordless Wednesday - Good Little Jewish Girl

Maybe switching to a Methodist preschool
wasn't the best idea.
Happy Wordless Wednesday.

From the Mouths of Babes: Part owner in everything

"I am asking you one last time. Please take your feet off the back of my seat." M's voice is on the verge of breaking. In response to his plea C digs her toes into his seat and shoves hard.

"Seriously. If you break my seat... I don't know what I'm going to do..." He lets the threat hang there and miraculously the pressure on the seat lessens.

"Daddy?" C's voice is surprisingly sweet for the angst she had been projecting a moment ago.

"Yes, honey?" M channels his inner hero and speaks back sweetly.

"Isn't it also my car too? I did help you pick it out."

Oh, if only it were that simple baby. If only it were that simple.

You Already Do One Nice Thing.

I remember my mother once quoting a nun that she greatly admired, a woman called Sister Emmanuel who worked tirelessly to help the poor in Egypt. This woman was known for saying that what she did was just a drop of water in a huge ocean, but that if she didn't do what she did that drop of water would be missing from the ocean.

I don't know if Sister Emmanuel was the first person to say that, but the words resonated with me and have always stayed in my heart.

When I look at my kids and wonder if what I do every day really matters in the grand scheme of things, I remind myself that what I do matters to them.

When I smile at a person who looks frustrated in their car and I see a smile bloom in response, I know that it doesn't matter in the larger scope of our lives, but it matters right then and there.

All the little things we do might not matter five days, five months, or five years down the road. But they matter right then and there. They might not matter to people in Asia or people in Hawaii, but they matter to the people you're interacting with right now.

When you remember all that it changes the way you act and the way you think. It boosts your self esteem and your self confidence. You matter. You're important. What you do every day matters, is important.

Now, since everything you do matters and is important you could just keep doing what you always do and feel proud. Or you could decide to take that power you wield a step further.

Those tiny things you do every day can affect more than the people in your immediate environment. A tiny gesture can reach a soldier in Iraq, a sick child in Chicago, or a single mom in Atlanta. It's up to you.

Debbie Tenzer knows that sometimes all you need is some inspiration to figure out where to direct your good intentions. Her book Do One Nice Thing is a collection of suggestions for tiny, nice things you can do in your community or around the world. Pick it up, or check out her website, DoOneNiceThing.com, if you want to spread some goodwill.

And if you're not ready? Don't worry. That smile you gave to the barista this morning totally counts.

This post was inspired by this month's Silicon Valley Moms Blog book club. On September 29th other bloggers will also be writing about how Do One Nice Thing inspired them. Visit Silicon Valley Moms Blog that morning to see the links to all those posts.

Friday Flashback - Sisters

Friday Flashback is all about bringing to light some of my favorite posts from my archives to breathe new life into them. I'm reposting this because I just spent the afternoon with my sister and I get to see her again tomorrow evening. She lives across the country and we don't get to spend time together nearly enough. Also, when we were kids we didn't get along at all. I'm glad that's changed. This was originally published in October 08.

Sisters

I expected that I'd be moved by the relationship between C and Little L. I thought there's be cute hand holding, fumbled kisses, maybe even the odd hug. I did not expect the unbelievably deep bond that links them.

I didn't expect that C would be Little L's self appointed soother. If Little L is fussing or even outright crying C rushes over and sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Instant quiet, every time. For example, this morning Little L got upset because she kicked off one of her shoes and C got right down to business. "Mama! You drive the car!" She ordered," I'll take care of L!" And she did. Moments later they were both singing and clapping and crisis was averted.

I didn't expect that they would be so tight. As long as they have each other they don't need anyone else. The two of them play endlessly, entertaining each other with their goofiness and silliness. They're very favorite game consists of crawling around the house in a perpetual game of chase. As soon as one girl catches the "leader" they turn around and race off in the other direction.

I didn't expect the sharing! Sure, there's squabbling over stuff, but usually only when one girl is tired or cranky. The rest of the time they constantly look out for each other. They share toys, books, and even food! If one girl has a cookie or a banana you can be sure that moments later the other girl will have a piece of that coveted item in hand, and not because she threw a tantrum to get it!

I didn't expect the desperate need for equality. Sure I expected big discussions about fairness, but I didn't expect the turn they usually take. C always wants to know if Little L gets to do something that she's doing, but not because she's keeping score, rather it's because she's worried that Little L is going to be left out.

The two of them are a tight little team. They turn to each other for support and fun and I love seeing that bond grow a little more every day. Nothing makes me more proud or love them more.

Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger - a review

Imagine a world where the supernatural feels natural. Where you suspend disbelief without realizing it. Where nothing is as it seems, but you just can't tell that things are slightly off.

You've just had a taste of Audrey Niffenegger's new book, Her Fearful Symmetry.

I was floored by The Time Traveler's Wife, her first book. Completely taken in by the fantastic, touching, beautiful story. Completely enamored of the writing.

So, when I heard that at long last Audrey Niffenegger was putting out a new book, I held my breath. Would she be able to do it again? Now that I've written the draft to a novel I have so much more respect for novelists. I know how hard it is to tease out a story, create characters, and grow the magic that makes a book special. And I know how easy it is to fall short of your mark.

I shouldn't have worried. She did it again.

Her Fearful Symmetry has nothing to do with The Time Traveler's Wife. It has radically different characters. It's set in a different country. And yet, it has the same magic.

Only Audrey Niffenegger can write books that are technically fantastic, but feel completely and utterly normal.

Crack open the pages of Her Fearful Symmetry and you'll discover that cemeteries are not just dark, damp, scary places where people are laid to rest. You'll be introduced to characters who are so multifaceted that days after finishing the book you'll still feel like you're getting to know them. And you'll learn that you can tell a story one way and have it mean something completely different in the end.

I loved The Time Traveler's Wife because the story stayed with me long after I cried my way through the last chapter. I'm in love with Her Fearful Symmetry because the characters are staying with me in the same way.

It's a haunting book, and it's a fantastic read. This is the book you'll give to all your friends this holiday season and it's the book all the bookclubs are going to be talking about for months to come. I wish I could tell you more, but I love you too much to deny you the joy of discovering it for yourself.

*****
I'm excited to tell you that Regal Literary, publisher of Her Fearful Symmetry is offering copies of Her Fearful Symmetry in a lottery to anyone who joins the Facebook fan page and emails them at hfs@regal-literary.com. So have at it! Go forth and win what's definitely going to be the hit of the year!

Winning games

"Lark!"
"Bark!"
"Bank!"
"Tank!"
"Task"
"Tosk!"
"That's not a word!"
"Oh right, oops. Sorry."
"Bask!"*

What started as an innocent way to get C to play more games has turned into something much better.

First, C has taken to game playing with a passion. We had been playing games here and there. A round of Zingo one morning, a bit of Candy Land one afternoon. But this week we're actually making an effort to sit around a table and really play. Plus, we've taken it to a whole new level by introducing her to cards.

M started with War, I introduced Go Fish. And now she's really playing, calling out for cards, doing a happy dance when the game goes her way, respecting the rules, and no longer crying when she loses the butterflies on the 6s. (You might have to know this particular deck of cards to get that...)

M and I used to play games all the time. It was our favorite way of reconnecting at the end of the day. But between Law school, kids, jobs, blogs, and everything in between, we've forgotten how much we enjoyed it.

This week the lure of brand new games beat out the lure of the computer, the TV, and everything else. After tucking the kids snug in their beds and we headed to the kitchen instead of the living room.

Between rounds of Connect 4x4, and Scrabble Slam, we've reconnected in a way we used to connect. We've laughed and we've joked. We've teased each other and we've had plain old, cheap fun. We haven't played for hours, just enough to relax and enjoy each other's company.

I agreed to participate in Hasbro's National Family Game Night because it sounded like fun. I stocked up and games and set aside the time. I'm grateful I did. I love that M and I have gotten back in the habit of playing and I'm delighted that we're teaching C how fun it can be.

*To play Scrabble Slam you just make new words by swapping out one letter at a time. It's all 4 letter words. M thinks we should try to always speak in 4 letter words now. In fact he suggested I write this blog post in 4 letter words. I didn't even try. Nuts Jess ain't.

Gratitude doesn't stop here, it goes where you take it

Today was World Gratitude Day. And in honor, and to show you that the Gratitude Challenge didn't end when the 21 days were up, I'm going to share with you the email I received from the Tiny Prints Founder & CEO, Ed Han. (And no, this has nothing to do with the fact that I wish I could go work for him. Though I would be terribly grateful if that were ever to happen. Ahem...)

I'm very excited both with how the challenge went for me and for the group and for how it's now turning into something bigger and better than any of us ever dared hope. Gratitude is contagious. And it makes lives better. Go on, I challenge you to read the following and to take the challenge. Oh, and watch the video. It's awesome. Pretty please?

Dear Jessica,

Since today is World Gratitude Day, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to participate in The Gratitude Challenge.

Not only did you complete every step of The Challenge with style and grace, but your stories of heroism, hope and harmony have inspired countless readers to do the same.

We started this project as a internal movement focused on helping our colleagues to achieve one simple goal—to counter everyday stress and negativity with daily affirmations of gratitude. As The Gratitude Challenge grew to include bloggers outside of our company, however, we learned just how much gratitude can change a person's life.

From tornadoes to car accidents, fires and family drama, The Gratitude Challenge saw our bloggers through meaningful, life-changing events. We learned so much from this experience that we made a short video about how gratitude can revitalize your perspective. You can watch it below:

We hope this experience has meant as much to you as it has to us, and we hope that you and your readers will to continue to follow our progress as we invite the world to join the movement at gratitudechallenge.com.

Best wishes,

Ed Han

Tiny Prints Founder & CEO

Life is Like a Bowl of Stone Soup

First braids

Little L's hair is growing in slower than C's did, but this weekend I was finally able to braid her hair for the first time.

Compared to C, Little L has very little hair and it felt odd to be braiding fine strands instead of thick ropes. But the end result was very well received.

And really very, very cute.

But you can see the difference
two more years will make.

Not that she feels superior about this or anything.

But, see? She started somewhere too.

Little L will catch up soon enough.

Apples and honey for a sweet new year

The waitress brought the desert menu and we glanced at the lavish offerings. She came back a few minutes later to take our order, expecting us to order a chocolate mousse, an apple pie, or any of the other sweets that we had enjoyed on the first few nights of our honeymoon cruise.

"We really just want a couple of apples and some honey, please. We know it's not on the menu, but maybe you could pull a few strings for us?" I beamed up at her.
"Apples? And honey?" She gestured towards the menu. "Really? Nothing else? Was it not good last night?"
"No! No! It was wonderful! Delicious! That pie... that mousse... mmm. But it's Rosh Hashana, the Jewish new year. Apples and honey are a traditional part of it. We eat them to symbolize the sweetness of the year to come."
"Oh!" Relief crossed her face. "That's just lovely! I like that! I'll bring some out. And for you newlyweds I'll also bring some pie and some chocolate mouse. For some extra sweetness." She winked.
This time relief crossed M's face and I laughed. She smiled at us brightly and bustled off towards the kitchen.

True to her word she brought our apples, honey, and a few extra deserts. As she put everything on the table she told us that she and the rest of the staff were also going to have some apples and honey that night, so they could all have some sweetness in their year.

We dipped our slices of apples in the honey and toasted what lay ahead: a sweet new year and a sweet new life together.

Happy New Year to all who are celebrating the new year this weekend. May your year be sweet and wonderful. And to everyone else, may your year be equally sweet and wonderful. No reason we can't all have some of that.

Friday Flasback - My Moment

Friday Flashback is all about bringing to light some of my favorite posts from my archives to breathe new life into them. I'm reposting this because I was losing touch with why I started blogging in the first place. I'm glad to have this reminder. This was originally published in April 07.

My Moment

As a working mom I'm sure that I'm not the only one who feels constantly pulled in a million directions. As an Administrative Assistant my job is to help people. Sometimes it literally feels as though I have to parent my co-workers. As a friend my job is to be there for the people I love. I thoroughly enjoy giving advice and being a sounding board, and I must be good at it because I'm often the go-to person for loved ones in trouble. As a mom I'm always the person who fixes, heals, hugs, loves and generally has to be there at all times for my daughter. If she's sick I'm expected to drop everything and run to her side, even if that means I have to work while sitting on the couch cuddling a feverish little girl. As a wife I'm always the person who fixes, heals, hugs, loves and generally has to be there at all times for my husband. (Wait... maybe I already have two kids!) I'm his support system, and though I like being his rock, sometimes the elements wear me down.

Despite being four people in one I still only get 24 hours a day and 7 days in the week. I know, it's not fair, but no matter how many moms sign that petition, there's really no one who can fix the problem, so on we trudge. My little alarm chirps around 7 every morning (I know. I'm lucky.) "Mammy! I get out now!" and from that moment until I climb into bed I'm on duty. (After that I'm just on call. There's a difference, I'm sure of it...) If someone needs something they just have to ask, and ask they do, sometimes more than one at a time, sometimes even when I'm in the shower.

Years ago I started a blog. It was my little spot on the Internet and it was mostly about my knitting. I posted pictures of my creations and talked a little about my life. My entries were sporadic, sometimes a few a week, sometimes just one a month. The need to write came and went and I just let it flow. Then I got pregnant and my focus changed. Knitting took a back seat to sheer exhaustion and somehow never made it back into the limelight. I still enjoy it, but not enough to comment on it regularly, if at all. My life took center stage and writing became a necessity. I changed blogs and came here in an effort to distance myself from the people who knew me in real life so that I could be more candid about my thoughts and experiences. That completely backfired, but not before this blog had become so much a part of me that I couldn't face shutting it down.

I blog every day. I post something at least six times a week. I make myself do it even on days, like this one, where I've been on my feet most of the day and I just want to crawl into bed. Blogging is My Moment. It's the only time during the day that is just about me, about doing something I love, for myself. I treasure this time and this indulgence, it helps keep me true to myself, it keeps me from getting lost in my life.

It's confession time!

Posting that last Friday Flashback was a bit of a cop-out, because, let's be honest, I still do most of that stuff, and I've added a bunch to the list.

So here it is, my newest, latest, and not so flattering confessions.

- I still only bathe my kids every other day, at best. But I have graduated from wipes baths. But only because they won't stand for it.

- I work from home now, but I never did manage to figure out a decent housekeeping schedule. So, yeah, laundry still has the best of me, as do all the piles of clutter around the house.

- I really only pretend to care that my house is a mess. As long as it isn't dirty, I don't really mind the clutter.

- Except in my room. It drives me nuts in my room. Sadly, that's where it's worst.

- I once read about a person who finally cleaned out her car after a long, long time, and who found a dead bird's wing on the floor of the passenger seat. I love that story. No matter how messy my car gets I always think to myself "at least there isn't a dismembered bird in here."

- I clearly have very low standards...

- Some days I'm happy to let my husband go out to a concert or to a ball game in the evening. And it's not because I relish the alone time. It's so for once I won't have to feel guilty about working all evening and ignoring him.

- Then he gets home from the ball game, I'm still working, and he still manages to go to bed before me.

- I never win at the guilt game.

- I married the most awesome man in the world.

- I know that's not a confession, but I can hear him chat with the girls while he feeds them their dinner and I'm in here blogging. He's telling them he already put out their clean pajamas. And really, does it get better than this?

- I sometimes blog/twitter/IM while the girls are both at home and awake. It's hard to unplug.

- All week I have been procrastinating on an important assigment. I have to watch a TV show and write up a review. I love TV. In fact I watch an insane amount of TV. And yet, I have not done this assignment. I have in fact, avoided watching the right kinds of shows. I do not understand this.

- I watch way too much Disney Channel. Some might say I have an odd obsession. No, my kids do not watch it with me. It's a problem. Also, these are not the shows I'm supposed to be reviewing.

- I watched the Wizards of Waverly Place movie.... and I.... cried. I'm pathetic.

- I often wonder if I made the right career move and I sometimes fantasize about going back to a 9-5 assistant type job where I could punch the clock, do my work, and go home. Then I realize I'd probably still be up all night blogging and I come to my senses.

There. Not so bad, right? I'm sure if I dig deep I could find worse, but, eh, who wants to do that?

What does your purse say about your personality?

In an effort to get to know some of the moms at C's new preschool I resolved to attend the first of their mothers' group event, which took place this morning. I don't know why I assumed I'd know anyone there - probably a throwback to when I helped run C's last preschool - but I walked into the room and was instantly struck completely and utterly speechless with shyness.

Lucky for me most of the people there were beyond nice and in short order I had some coffee in hand and a few lovely people chatting with me. Then the talk on personality types started and I was not only thrilled that I had dragged myself and the girls out of the house early enough to get there on time, but I was even excited to have paid the annual moms' group membership. Seriously. If all the talks are going to be this good, it was money well spent!

The speaker, Cheri Gregory, was so hilarious, and smart, and just overall wonderful and there's absolutely no way I can do her credit, but I have to try share what I learned today; it was just that good.

According to Cheri (We're going on first name basis here, she was that cool. I don't think she'd mind.), you can deduct a woman's personality type from the purse she carries. Bear with me for a moment and I'll explain.

There are four basic personality types: Sanguine (aka popular), Melancholic (aka perfect), Choleric (aka powerful), and Phlegmatic (aka peaceful). We all tend to be a mix of these with some components coming out stronger than others. Understanding personality types and what makes them tick can help you in your day to day interactions with people.

Sanguine: You'll easily spot, or hear, a sanguine person. She'll be the loud boisterous one in the room. Her clothes with be bright, just like her personality.
She's a hugger and a toucher and you can count her to jolly you out of a dark mood.
She's wide open about everything and first to jump into a conversation.
She brings the fun with her, because that's her goal: to have FUN!
She needs to feel connected, to feel approved, and to be loved - yes, at all costs.
Her purse? It's big, bright, and probably cluttered with few compartments and one big wide opening.

Melancholic: The melancholic is the polar opposite of the sanguine. She's very closed, doesn't talk much, doesn't touch or like to be touched. Personal space is important to her. Very important.
Her life is closed. You'll only be told what you need to know, and only if you need to know. She wears muted sedate colors and she stays out of the limelight.
If she's interrupted in the middle of a story she won't pick it back up on her own volition, but she will be hurt if you don't ask her to continue.
Her goals are simple in nature and complex in execution: to achieve, and maintain, perfect order.
She needs order, craves it really. But she needs more than just that. She's very sensitive and aware of the needs and emotions of those around her and she expects the same sensitivity back.
Don't expect an easy apology from this one if something goes wrong. She'll have trouble accepting that she ever did something wrong.
Her purse? It's very, very functional and practical. A place for everything and everything in it's place. Plus, it'll never go out of style; it's a classic.

Choleric: You'll spot your choleric person as easily as your sanguine one. She's not the loud boisterous one, she's the busy one. She has 2 or 3 times more energy than the average person and she's driven to do, do, DO!
She all about function over fashion and she'll have an abundance of personal presence. Trust me, you'll know when she's arrived.
The choleric's goal is power. She needs to be in control at all times. If she's not in control she'll be waiting for a void of power, or she'll create one, so she can grab the reigns.
Her life is governed by extensive to do lists, because one of her basic needs is to achieve. She only sees value in achievements.
She doesn't need your approval, she just needs your appreciation. The best thing you can do around a choleric person is to get past your natural intimidation and tell her how much you appreciate what she's done. One caveat though, be very very specific - she lives in the details.
Her purse? It's small, compact, and very, very efficient.

Phlegmatic: The phlegmatic is the hardest to pinpoint because she's the queen of blending in. She calls on what the situation needs, so she might appear to be sanguine, choleric, or even melancholic depending on the moment. You'll have to find her by process of elimination.
Phlegmatics are sometimes considered to be model people because no single personality trait sticks out. They are perfectly balanced.
The goal of the phlegmatic is to achieve peace. Soothing, lovely peace... at all costs. To them a day full of peace, completely void of confrontation, is a perfect day.
They need you to respect who they actually are and not to try to change them into who you think they should be. And they need you to reflect the great strengths you see in them to build up their sense of self worth.
As a rule phlegmatics are great listeners, but they live in the hope that one day you'll stop talking and ask them how they are.
Her purse? It's calm, simple, basic, practical.

Now that you have a better understanding of the basic personality types you can adapt both your expectations and your approach. It's not helpful to be boisterous around a melancholic person, nor is it great to be timid around a choleric. Even better, now that you know what purses go to what personality type, you can walk into any room and easily find your peeps. Now isn't that a relief?

As for me? I'm not 100% sure where I fall. I'm leaning towards Sanguine with a big side of Phlegmatic... but when I looked at purses to get images I couldn't resist buying that adorable giraffe print one... so who really knows.

Who's ready for Family Game Night?

About six months ago something miraculous happened. No, really. We sat down to play a game with C... and she sat and played with us. She didn't collect cards because they were pink. She didn't tip the whole thing over after three minutes. She actually sat and played. By the rules. And she didn't let us let her win.

Being avid game lovers, ever since then we've played quite a few games. (Zingo is the current family favorite, though Little L doesn't quite get the concept yet.) And now we're gearing up for the big Hasbro Family Game Night.

September 23rd. Put it on our calendar.

Hasbro did a little research and they discovered that nearly half of Americans polled believe that a family game night is the most enjoyable form of family bonding. Apparently board games top all other family activities such as watching movies, cooking, or playing sports.

I really wanted to learn that family game night was changing the world in more fundamental ways, but really, what could be wrong with family bonding? It probably keeps kids off the streets and off crack and stuff like that.

Play games! Eat an apple! Be healthy!

Hey! Maybe I should start a rumor that playing board games prevents swine flu!

OK. OK. I'm getting carried away.

But seriously. Families that play together, stay together. It helps with communication and self esteem. And crazy thought, it can actually be FUN.

I know. Total shocker.

So, on September 23rd, we're make like all the other cool families on the block and pulling out the old Connect 4, the new Candy Land, the battered Clue, or maybe the age old (or slightly modernized) Monopoly. We might make some popcorn and grab some drinks then we're rolling the dice.

Little L will undoubtedly suck on some game pieces and insist that something it's her turn when it clearly isn't, C will feel sad if one of us consistently loses, M will probably try to cheat, and yes, it's not impossible that I'll glance at my watch a few times. (Hey, no judging until you've played multiple rounds of Candy Land in one sitting!)

Then, just to be even crazier, I might put it on the calendar as a monthly event. This month we might be playing endless rounds of Candy Land, but maybe our family game nights will eventually evolve to more classic or more new games. I'll just be happy if the girls start enjoying games as much as M and I do.

Are you interested in hosting your own Family Game Night? Hop over to The Lemonade Stand for some helpful tips!

Some days it's harder to be a hero than others

Some days you don't want to try to consider that the cashier might be crabby because she's having a rough morning.

Some days you don't want to consider that maybe your coworkers is doing a poor job because personal issues are preoccupying her.

Some days you don't want to know why something is being turned in late, sloppy, off topic, or just poorly written. And instead of taking the time to work with the writer to make it better, you just want to rant about how some people suck.

Some days you don't want to focus on the fact that the three teen boys are having a nice bonding moment. You just want to grumble because they're being loud while you try to work.

Some days you don't want to put on a happy face until the real happy follows. You just want to wallow in self pity and grumpiness.

Some days you don't want to tease the positive out of a thorny situation, to see how it can be turned around to make everyone stronger and better.

Some days you don't want to see the joy in the world and the people around you. You don't want to see the silver lining, you just want to see the cloud.

Some days it's just harder to be a hero and explain away, forgive, or even make the effort to understand the why behind people's actions and behaviors.

Some days it's just hard not to join people in their crabby cantankerousness.

And yes, on those days, I know that it's more important than ever to rise above the urge to say fuck it all and be the better person, see the other side, smile through the grumps, to be the hero.

But man does it suck.

Fire! Fire!

I was about to blog about the rain in Silicon Valley and how novel and cool and different it is from the rain I grew up with.

Instead...

FIRE!

One of the power line poles in front of the house is on fire...

Gulp.

So power is going out in a moment and who knows when it'll be back on.

At least it's raining. A rare occurrence in the Bay Area at this time of year. Which I was about to whine about... but now I'm just glad the grass and the roof are drenched.

Back tomorrow. Hope the power is back too.

Friday Flasback - Confessions from way back

Friday Flashback (back after a bit of a hiatus) is all about bringing to light some of my favorite posts from my archives to breathe new life into them. This post was originally part of the Blog Exchange. I'm reposting it because it makes me laugh to see how much of a slacker mom I was, and how much worse I am today. Trust me, an updated version is coming soon. This was originally published in March 07 at The Wink.
I confess.

I think I am a very average mom. I do some things very well and others I don't do at all. I am usually fine with this, but every so often I feel the need to apologize, or at least confess.

· I confess that my toddler only gets a bath every other day, if that.
· I confess that I have, more than once, just cleaned her from head to toe with wipes because it was just too late for a "real" bath
· I confess that we don't have a night time routine, per-se.
· I confess that I have NO intention of taking my daughter's pacifier away from her when she turns two.
· I confess that we sometimes eat at McDonalds and that C gets her own Happy Meal. (With fries, not apples.)
· I confess that I don't mind sending C to daycare, and I fully plan on sending this next child as well, even if I don't work full time. (Or even part time. HA!)
· I confess that if I have an unexpected day off I still send C to daycare and take a personal day for myself.
· I confess that sometimes I get out of work early, but I still pick C up at the appointed time. I relish that time alone.
· I confess that I don't plan on sending C to preschool until she's three. I think she's getting everything she needs socially and educationally from her daycare.
· I confess that I sometimes lie to C about what I'm eating so that I won't have to share with her.
· I confess that some evenings C's bedtime is a little earlier than usual, because I just need it to be.
· I confess that I don't use those plastic table liners and just put C's food directly on restaurant tables.
· I confess that I never obsessed about giving C non bleached flour, or no processed sugar, or anything like that.
· I confess that a lot of what C eats for dinner comes out of the freezer.

I confess that I'm not the most obsessive, overbearing, over hovering mom. But I have to say when we sit at a restaurant and I watch my 22 month old daughter spoon feeding herself spaghetti, when she says "bless you" when someone sneezes, when she never forgets to say please and thank you, when she shows incredible compassion to people who are hurting or crying, basically when I see what a generally wonderful person she is becoming, well then I have to confess that I might be doing something right.

Where am I in all this?

I remember a time when C was little and I was working a lot. Long hours at the office, long hours being a mom at home. I had exactly one hour every week to myself. Fridays from 4:15 to 5:15. That was my time. My time to be alone. To enjoy a cup of coffee and a read. Or my time to be with a friend and chat. Or even just my time to take a leisurely walk.

That was it. One hour a week when I was "off." It was divine. I loved that hour. I loved that freedom. Most of the time I even shut off my phone to mark the importance of that hour with no responsibilities, deadlines, or bosses. It was all me, my dreams, my thoughts, my hopes for the future.

Today I don't work in an office, I work for myself. Every morning I take my children to daycare and drop them off for the day. And then I'm alone. All day.

You're jealous aren't you?

Well, I must be doing it wrong, because it doesn't feel like a whole day of "me time."

Since I work for myself I don't have business hours. Instead of splitting my time between "work hours" and "home hours" they're all work hours. Or at least they should be until I start earning some kind of money. Until I can claim a somewhat decent income every wasted minute feels like a wasted opportunity.

I feel guilty whenever I'm not actively working on something writing or blogging related. I mean, my kids are in daycare all day so I can work, not so I can lounge around eating bonbons.

Want to know how twisted it is? I even feel guilty when I stop working to take care of housework or errands. Every moment spent away from the computer make me feel like I'm neglecting the business I'm putting my family in financial straights over.

I know that relief lies in making both a business plan and a daily schedule that I can stick to. But even before I do that, I need to figure out what my financial and professional goals are so I can step off the hamster wheel that's going nowhere. I need to find time for my dreams as well as the house, the kids, our daily meals, and, yes, for me.

Because even though working for myself feels like the ultimate indulgence, it's not really "me time" in the true sense of the word.

A very successful first day of preschool

I might be all wrapped up in my Kindergarten search, but C still has a whole year to go before that even comes into play. A year she's spending at a brand new preschool. (Well, new for her. The school itself has been around for a while!)

In fact, today was her very first day at her new school and she couldn't wait to get started. Every day this summer we waved to the school on our way to daycare. A few weeks ago I took her on a tour. And then we learned that her best friend from daycare would be in her class. After that there was no containing her.

First day of preschool dress!
And the bear she got the day she was born.

This afternoon when we finally pulled into our parking spot and got out of the car she did a double fist pump (yes, even the 4yo set know how to fist pump) and raced towards the main doors. I had trouble keeping up. Three minutes later she was signed in and playing.

C and her daycare buddy.
Doing what they do at daycare every day.

I stayed for the whole session, but it was purely for my benefit. She didn't need me there at all. She was even able to find her own name on her box.

And she lapped up all the art projects that were set up in the room.

Paint stampers!

And then there was circle time. Or rather huddle around the teacher's feet time. She read them The Kissing Hand and I had to fight back tears. And I'm sure I wasn't the only one.

We wrapped up the class time with a rousing time on one of the school's three playgrounds. C was a huge fan of the swing. I think the teacher was a huge fan of C.

We wrapped up the rest of the day with some frozen yogurt. My baby and I and a couple of preschool friends, talking about how great a first day it was.

An afternoon in a novelist's life

I push away my empty plate and put down the book I have been browsing while eating. The restaurant is half full of chatty patrons, but the waitress doesn't seem to mind that I'm taking my sweet time in the booth. She has brought me a thermos of coffee and left the check on the table without saying a word. My manuscript sits next to me on the table, silently reproachful in its thick black binder. I only have some 50 pages or so left to read. It's my first read-through and it's taken me almost a month to work my way through the bulk of the novel.

I pick at the last three grapes fighting for attention at the bottom of a tiny ramekin and finally pull the hefty binder towards me. It's the same thing every time. I have to fight the reluctance to open the cover, find the page I last marked up, and dive back in. It's the same reluctance I felt back when I was still composing the story. It's a fear of sorts, but I'm not sure what it is I'm scared of. Probably that it won't be as good as I thought, or maybe that it will be as bad as I fear. Either way, there's a reason it has taken me a month to get through the first round of edits.

I take a swig of my hot coffee and shove my reluctance to the side. Purple pen in hand I turn to the page I was last working on. I'm quickly drawn in and next time I take a sip of coffee it has grown cold. Most of the restaurant patrons have left, the only other people still sitting in booths are a couple of businessmen quietly discussing something in hushed tones. The waitress is busy refilling condiment jars, she works around me silently. I take another sip of lukewarm coffee and dive back into the story.

I'm frustrated. My purple pen is getting more of a workout than usual today. I've been reading Pat Conroy's latest novel and it irks me that my prose just isn't nearly as lyrical. He makes it seem so easy, so effortless, so poetic. My prose reads like a 6th grader's first attempt at a short story in comparison. It's enough to make me wonder why I even pretend that I'll ever be a published author.

I remind myself that Pat Conroy has been in the business a long time and that his latest book has already gone through countless edits and rewrites after being reviewed by multiple editors. This is my first novel and I'm the only one who has ever seen it. This is a first draft. A first, awkward, rough draft.

I push through the section that is causing me such angst, purple pen flying, crossing out whole sections, marking hasty notes in the margin. It's not the prose that's bothering me as much as the character involved in the chapter. It's all wrong. She's all wrong. I make a note in my notebook that the chapter needs to be reworked and I move on to the final three chapters.

These flow better and by the time I turn the last page I'm not nearly as frustrated any more. For sure, this is no New York Times best seller, but it has the makings of a darn good story. It needs work. It needs more depth in some places and more coherence in others. The characters need to be better developed, and yes, some of the prose needs to mature a bit, but as I finally shut the binder, having made some sort of note on each and every page, I know that I'm on the right track.

I gather my things and pick up the check. The businessmen are still deep in discussion and the restaurant is almost ready for the early dinner service. The hostess spots me heading to the front of the restaurant and motions that she'll be right with me.

She rings up my tab and smiles.
"Are you writing a book?" she asks nonchalantly.
I hesitate for just a beat.
"Yes. I'm writing a book." I answer with a smile before gathering up my thick binder and walking out into the sunshine.

A change in the air

Yesterday afternoon we sat, in our bathing suits, making sand castles, sand patties, sand cookies, and sand tunnels. We dipped our toes in the frigid Pacific and took in the sun. We laughed at the sea lions calling to each other and looked with awe at the pelicans dive fishing with uncanny precision.

It was a day at the beach. A day like so many others we've enjoyed this summer.

It ended in a warm shower, sand flowing down the drain.

Today there was more fun in the sun. More play in the sand. It was warm and lovely. Another perfect summer day.

But when we pulled into the driveway tonight and opened the doors a cold wind nipped at our bare legs. When I put the girls in their pajamas I chose warm fuzzy ones and I hurried to shut the window that has been propped open for two months. I left their room and sidestepped the fan that has kept their room cool all summer. We don't need it tonight.

C starts school on Wednesday.

Summer is over. The start of school was a hint. The change in weather confirmed it.

Labor and love

Labor day used to mean sleeping in and slacking all day. You know, before I was actually in labor. Now it's just as much a work day as any day of the year, but it's sweet labor. If I wanted to be corny I'd even say it's a labor of love, but I respect you all too much to go there.

Happy Labor Day y'all. Enjoy your day of peace and relaxation. Snort.

Kindergarden angst

When we moved into our cozy little house we were young and kid free. M was starting law school and we really just wanted a house that was close to his school.

We never considered the school district.

I mean, why would we? It's not like we had kids or anything. We assumed that we'd wait a long while to get ourselves some cute little rugrats and it would be even longer before they started school.

And now, years later, we're still in our cozy little house, and we have not one, but two kids, and one of them is supposed to start Kindergarten in the fall of 2010.

Which means that we need to figure out where she's going to go. (And, yes, I know I only just figured out where she was going to go for her last year of preschool, but these things just never stop coming!)

Our school district? It's not the best. OK. Maybe it's worse than not the best. The schools are testing way below the State recommended average, and while I know that test scores aren't everything, they aren't nothing either. Especially in a State that is ripping school funding apart and denying these poor underfunded schools the money they desperately need to start improving.

It's still early. I have months in front of me before we need to make a decision. We're considering some local magnet schools and a few private school options. Nothing is ideal, either because of the timing, the parental volunteer hours required, or, quite frankly, the price tag.

And yes, I know, it's just Kindergarten and she'll probably be fine no matter where she ends up. But she's my baby. I wanted the best car seat for her when she was born, then the best formula and food, and, call me crazy, now I want the best school for her.

I just haven't found it yet.

A day at the Electronic Arts Headquarters

The invitation came via email and I accepted post haste. What's not to say yes to? A day touring the Electronic Arts headquarters? Playing some of the newest and hottest games? I might not be an inveterate gamer, but sign me up anyway. I know fun when I see it!

We started with a long round of game testing.

Wait. That's not true. We started with a yummy lunch. Where I got to chat with Renee of Cutie Booty Cakes and Design Mom. And I realized that I had missed out on a ton by not making it to the first day of the event. And also that I was the only local blogger in attendance. (Shortly after Techmama showed up so I didn't feel so alone!)

After that we were brought into a room lined with large screen TVs each displaying a new game that Electronic Arts wanted to show off.

I spent a bit of time trying out Charm Girls Club, which you totally need to get if you have a pre-teen girl's slumber party planned in the near future.

Then I watched some Harry Potter action. The graphics on this game are amazing. It's like watching a movie. I didn't stick around long enough to see if the game was any good, but the DS version is quite entertaining.

I spent the bulk of my time playing what has to be the most awesome game ever. Electronic Arts collaborated with Hasbro to bring to life some of our favorite childhood games and some more modern ones - Operation, Jenga, Bop-It, Pictureka, and Connect 4. There's just enough of the games to make them feel familiar, but they've been modernized and given video game attributes that make them fun and new and nothing that kids will sneer at. Family Game Night 2 comes out in October, but the original version is sitting in my bag, waiting to be tested out this weekend.

The other game that caught my eye was My Sims Agents. There are just no words for how cute the game is. And for a cop show lover like myself, it's like video game crack. Cannot wait until it comes out.
After plenty of gaming our wonderful hosts decided that clearly we needed a bit more gaming. So they had organized a fun treat - a game truck! A truck! With video games in it. So fun. OK. Maybe a bit claustrophobic, but fun.
After all that our thumbs needed a break and our feet needed to move so we took a tour of the main campus.

This is the main lobby.

With a Starbucks INSIDE.

And this is the outdoor maze that employees can walk.
You know, when they need a breath of nature.

We also saw the full basketball court, spied the gym and one of the cafeterias, hung out in one of the many game rooms, and were all in all awed by the facilities. But, as I kept reminding myself (and refraining from voicing out loud), most of the Silicon Valley companies that offer so many perks to their employees do so because they expect a ton out of them in return. Then again Electronic Arts was just named a "Fit Friendly" company by the American Heart Association, so maybe they do let their employees leave their desks to run around once in a while.

All joking aside, one quick tour around the EA campus and it's obvious how passionate these people are about games and gaming and it shows in the product. It's going to be a great holiday season for gamers!

Catching up on Gratitude

I haven't been slacking on the Gratitude Challenge. Honest.

OK. Maybe that's a bit of a lie.

I've been grateful. I've made a point of taking time to stop and notice the good things in my life. I've even done my best to be grateful when things aren't going as well as they could, the kids are cranky, or when I'm feeling less than chipper about everything.

But I haven't been the best about following the 21 day Gratitude Challenge calendar that we were given.

It wasn't my intent. I wanted to follow day by day. It's just that between the back and forth from West Coast to East Coast and back I think I lost a couple of days. I definitely lost a lot of sleep. In any case I got confused about what day we were on... and then I completely lost track.

Which isn't to say that I haven't...

-Sent thank you notes to 5 people who deserve some recognition.
Well... the notes are in my bag. And I have them worded out in my head. I just need to actually write and send them. It's in the works. (Also, my Tiny Prints thank you notes are gorgeous. And classy. And I love them. Maybe that's why I haven't sent them yet...)

- Enjoyed the people around me.
In fact, I said to my husband today, while he sat at the kitchen table with me "working" from home, that I was grateful to have him home with me. Despite the fact that he was snarfing my snacks and humming show tunes. He's my best friend. We don't get to spend that kind of quality time together nearly often enough. Yes. Even though he ate my Reeses Pieces.

- Tried to see the the world through the eyes of a child.
I live with two children. Both who share their vision of the world with me daily. It's a beautiful world, full of marvel and surprises. I love being reminded that a visit from the neighbor's cat is awe inspiring. Or that a morning spent playing with Play-Doh is the best thing on earth.

- Took time to focus on me! Me! Me!
I'm a hero. I'm a good person, a great friend, a good mom, and a supportive wife. Every day I appreciate myself more and more. And yes, I still get caught in the "I'm a terrible person" spiral some days, but I'm proud to say that those days are fewer and father apart.

- Stood in front of the mirror and focused on five things I love about me.
I once attended a Weight Watchers meeting where someone was handing out a "No Disparagement Zone" door knob hangers. I might not have actually put it on the door to my bathroom, but it's there... virtually. So for years my bathroom navel gazing has had a positive spin. I love my hair, my legs don't look half bad, I love my lightly made-up face, and if I'm honest the bare face is lovely too. My red toes always make me smile. And yes, my belly pouches a bit, but that's because it lovingly carried the two ruffians who beat down that bathroom door every morning.

Not so bad all in all! I'm only behind on four of the Challenges. I'll catch up. Or stay after. I'm not too worried. I mean, it's not like I'm going to stop working on staying grateful for all the little things when the official Gratitude Challenge ends. Right?