Some nights you're just tired. Nothing more, nothing less

Some days you wake up tired and no matter how much tea or coffee you drink you just can't shake that man-I-have-to-get-back-to-bed-soon feeling.

That's how I've felt all day. So tonight I'm going to bed really early. And no, it has nothing to do with a certain Breaking Dawn that I'm only 1/3rd of the way through and itching to get back to. Nothing, I say!

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Toddler? Preschooler? Love books? Don't miss this giveaway!

From the Mouths of Babes: The First Sentence

Little L loves to hug me and kiss me. Especially when I'm trying to change her. She stands on the changing table and wraps her tiny arms tight around my neck and chants "Uggy! Uggy! Uggy!" as she squeezes tight. I hug her back and kiss her back and try hard to wrestle her clothes off at the same time. I've gotten very good at it.

The other day I managed to wrangle all of her clothes off and pry her wet diaper off her bottom without her ever letting go of my neck.

"Hey! What's this? What do we have here?" I asked, patting her tush. She looked down, completely flabbergasted to find herself naked. She held her hands out to the side in the universal toddler questioning stance and looked up at me.

"Wheehee go?"
"Where did what go?"
"Wheeh da pipi go?"

And so, my baby spoke her first sentence, about her missing wet diaper. I'm such a proud mama.

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New Sale Announcement at The Lemonade Stand - Bake Me A Wish! cakes. Yum, cake delivered to your door.
And if you have a toddler or young preschooler don't miss the giveaway for two adorable board books!

Making Progress, and Not Just on the Novel

Two days ago I sat down and worked on my novel for an hour. Then I freaked out and gave into the massive guilt trip that engulfed me.

Today I didn't wait until the end of the day and the completion of my to do list to start writing. The story had been niggling me all night and I couldn't wait to let my ideas play on the page. I opened the document and told myself I'd write for an hour and "work" after.

Two hours later I had to rip myself from the page so I could get to circle time at C's preschool on time. I couldn't stop beaming.

Sure, most of what I wrote was terrible. I knew that as I was writing. I just kept thinking "First drafts are supposed to suck. First drafts are supposed to suck" and pushing through. I know I'll have to go back and cut a ton of it. I know what's going to need to be beefed up or toned down. But I also know that lots of what I wrote was good, that the characters that I introduced are just right, and I have a hunch that the story will work.

All of that is exciting, but what's truly thrilling is that I didn't feel guilty after shutting down the computer. I just felt happy. That's gotta be good, right?

Finally, Photos of The New 'Do

Last Thursday I had an appointment to get a hair cut. It was the first in over 8 months, so despite the family crisis I went through with it.

In the middle of fielding calls from M, my mom, my friend who was heading out of town, and my sisters wanting to know what was going on I flipped through style books and I came across a picture I kept going back to again and again. It was the style I had back when M and I lived in Paris, a couple lifetimes ago. It was a style that belonged to a younger more carefree version of myself. It was the style I all of a sudden desperately wanted to have again.

I went in for a trim and I came out with short hair.

But inside I'm definitely still the same as I was with long hair.

The silly, nutty person you all know and love.

M took these pictures and he's frustrated that they don't show the new 'do properly, but I really didn't like the other ones he took, so it's the best you're going to get tonight. Sorry!

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New review and giveaway up at The Lemonade Stand. If you have young kids and love books you don't want to miss this one!

Novel Writing - My Ultimate Self Indulgence

My favorite self indulgence is milk chocolate covered graham crackers dunked in a hot latte. It's decadent, creamy, rich, chocolaty, and delicious. I only let myself order that at Starbucks when I'm having a particularly bad day or when I feel the need to celebrate.

I'm a grown up. I make my own food decisions. I know what's good for me and what's not. I know I can allow myself the occasional treat and yet, when I order that particular indulgence I feel guilty from the first tentative dip to the final delectable lick of my chocolate covered fingers.

Today I opened one of my novels in progress. I read through what I had written, made some edits, and wrote some more.

It felt unbelievably good. It felt good to beat the procrastination bug. It felt good to defy my fear. And it felt good to see that what I'd written was as good as I remembered.

In fact, the whole thing felt downright indulgent.

I know that part of my blockage has to do with a fear of failure or success, but now I'm convinced that my biggest issue is that ever present mommy guilt, you know, the one that admonishes you whenever you take time to do something for yourself.

I get my hair cut every 8 months or so. I never get a manicure/pedicure/facial. I don't go to the movies by myself. For the longest time the only alone time I ever got was a weekly trip to the grocery store. So now that I'm a freelancer I constantly feel that spending any time not working towards something that will directly benefit my family is a waste of my time.

Working on a novel feels like the ultimate self indulgence. I'm doing it for me, just me, no one else. It's my story, written on my time, with little to no hope of ever benefiting anyone else. I feel guilty before writing, while writing, and after writing. And so I never get around to adding to the stories.

Today, emboldened by the responses to the post I wrote yesterday, I didn't wait until I had done all my work, I didn't let my usual chores distract me. I jumped right in. I put everything out of mind and focused on my novel.

I loved every wonderful guilt inducing moment. And when I shut down my computer I almost had to resist the urge to lick my fingers clean.

This writer needs help, badly.

"Can we please swing by Borders before going to pick up the kids?" I begged M at the end of our date tonight. "I'm in no hurry to go back to being mommy."

Usually when I walk into a bookstore, any bookstore, as soon as the door closes I feel the peace of the place wrap me up and comfort me. Tonight the shiny new books didn't work their usual magic. Instead they filled me with even more angst.

I walked past the New Fiction table and the Best Seller shelf and trailed my fingers along the shiny embossed covers and didn't feel an ounce of curiosity. I didn't pick up any enticing tomes to read the back covers. None of them were enticing. Not the ones in that store, not the ones on my night table, not any of the ones on my extensive wishlist. Instead of calling to me all of those books scream a silent reproach.

All these authors sat down and wrote their book. They had the guts to face the white page. They had the whatever it takes to keep writing past the first 20 pages.

I don't have one book in process. I have three. Yes three. Not because I have so many stories itching to get out, I mean, clearly I do, but that's not the issue here. No, it's because I start writing and I get wind of the fact that what I'm writing is good, really, really good. And I freak out and never open the file again. Instead I open another document and start a new story and do my best to ignore the first story calling to me, begging to be written.

I've tried forcing myself to write. I've tried figuring out what my problem might be. And yet my books languish in the depths of my Documents folder. And my stress level rises as I feel my dream slip away. And I can't stop it. And it's killing me. And I should stop starting all my sentences with and.

I want nothing more than to finish these stories, find an agent, get them published, and finally be able to say "See? I told you I was better than half those writers out there!" or some slightly less obnoxious version of that. I want to give voice to my characters and see what scrapes they get themselves into and back out of again. I really do want to finish a book. I just can't figure out how to do it.

My rational brain will tell you that novel writing isn't going to put dinner on the table next week. It'll tell you that I'm doing the right thing by focusing on freelancing and getting paying work. It'll even tell you that everything I spend my days doing are worthwhile and good.

And it'll be right. In the same way that procrastinating on a deadline to clean the house is worthwhile and good.

I'm great at making up excuses, at finding other things I absolutely need to be doing. It's not like I sit around all day watching TV and surfing YouTube. I'm busy, all day, every day. I work my butt off. My to do list is pages long. But I'm not working on the things that really matter to me. Clearly that's a problem.

So how do I change that? How do I hold myself accountable? What's going to make me write my books?

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My father-in-law is doing even better today than yesterday. He's kicking some serious meningitis butt and winning. WHOOT!

Just a quick update

It's been such a long couple of days that I'm finding it hard to string words along properly. I am so fried. M is so fried. And the kids have no clue so they're their usual ebullient and rambunctious selves. To say that it's a challenge is an understatement.

Today I channeled lots of little girl energy into finding pictures of flowers and hearts in magazines so that tomorrow we can put it all together in a collage to brighten up my father-in-law's ICU room. Much to their delight our big art project required a trip to Michael's for glue sticks and extra foamie stickers.

My father-in-law is still improving. Today he was more lucid and alert than he's been in days. We're hopeful that he'll be even more so tomorrow. Hopefully the bright collage stuck together with love will even bring a smile to his face.

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Did I mention? Massive Jelly Belly sale? Ends Sunday? Oh, I did? Sorry about that. I have a bit of a thing for candy.

From the Mouths of Babes: Your way, but my way too

"No honey, we can't do crafts this morning, we have lots of things to do to get ready."
"What do we have to do?"
"We have to finish breakfast, get dressed, brush your hair, and pack your lunch."
"I don't want to pack my lunch."
"Well, you're going to be awfully hungry then, aren't you?"
"No, I want you to pack my lunch. I want you to pack anything you want. Whatever you want mommy!"
"Anything I want? Really?"
"Yes. Anything. Oh. But please don't pack me any hummus. OK mommy?"
"Sure thing, no hummus."

We've never fed her hummus. We don't have hummus in the house. I have no idea where that came from, but it gave me a much needed chuckle this morning.

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There's not much to report about father-in-law today. His condition is stable, which is good. He's being closely monitored and taken care of by a team of very competent doctors who are being optimistic about his recovery.
I can't tell you how much everyone's kind words and support means to us. Thank you.

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I'm rolling out a new "Sale Announcement" category at The Lemonade Stand that will tip you off to good sales that I hear about. I'm kicking it off with a last minute announcement about a major Jelly Belly sale. Hop on over to check it out!

Twitter: allowing virtual strangers to become real friends

I jumped into the car tonight after sending this hasty tweet.
By the time I got to the first red light I'd received these replies, causing tears to well up in my eyes.
It's not a secret that I'm an avid, if not rabid, fan of Twitter, but if this hasn't convinced you to check it out I don't know what will. The love and support from virtual strangers who have, over time and many 140 character exchanges, become real friends is priceless.

My Tweeple came to my aid when we had a car crash, when I was worried about preschool registrations, when my father in law first got injured, and again tonight. There are many of them so I know they're always there if I need support, a pat on the back, or even just a friendly ear.

And tonight their prayers were heard. The doctors seem to think that my father in law will be OK. We're crossing our fingers that they're right, and I'm counting on my Twitter friends to keep praying and sending healing vibes our way.

(Want to follow me on Twitter? You'll find me here: http://www.twitter.com/kikarose.)

Things that never cease to shock me

Some things take your breath away no matter how many times you witness them. Here are just a few.

- The sheer heinous self-centeredness of some people. Lack of compassion is strong in some.

- The utter kindness of some people. For all the despicable people out there there are a boatload who more than make up for their shortcomings.

- The power of the kindness of strangers. When you're having a bad day and you reach out on Twitter and complete strangers reach back with a hug, pat on the back, or kind word, it's amazing how good that feels.

- The utter normalcy of life with children. No matter what your day is like, when 6pm rolls around little children still need to be fed, bathed, put into pajamas, read to, and tucked in to bed.

- How cathartic it is to write about what's troubling you and how frustrating it is when you can't write about it because it's not your story to tell.

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I'm ramping things up over at The Lemonade Stand. More reviews! More giveaways! Discount codes on awesome products! Be sure to sign up for the feed so you don't miss the action.

Wordless Wednesday - This Little Piggy Says No, No, No

Sitting pretty in the middle of lots of Valentines Day candy,
reminding me what eating it all would make me.

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Didn't get your fill of Valentines Day candy? Win free Ferrero chocolate at The Lemonade Stand!

Is the weekend over yet? Please say it is.

Back when I decided to keep the kids home on Friday, knowing that we also had Monday off, it wasn't raining. I had visions of four long awesome days of quality family time - long walks, crafts, fun in the yard, maybe even a trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. It was going to be great in a relaxing, fun, bond-y way.

And then it started to rain. And rain. And rain. Did I mention it rained?

At first I thought "Yay! Rain! We need lots of that around here!" Then I realized that the rain was going to seriously crimp our style. In fact, it kind of blew our weekend plans to smithereens. There was no playing in the yard, no long walks to anywhere, and there was definitely no trip over the treacherous Hwy 17 to the aquarium. It's a dangerous enough highway on a sunny day, in the pouring rain it's suicidal to take it just for kicks.

So we stayed put. And we went stir crazy. And the kids got cranky, and the mommy got crankier, and the daddy was smart and stayed out of the way. Each book was read over and over again. Every single toy was taken out about a million times. And "mommy" was whined about a gazillion more.

Miraculously Monday night eventually rolled around and the cranky children were put to bed (maybe on the slightly early side) and we heaved a sigh of relief so big that people in NY probably felt it, because, finally, oh finally, the loooong weekend was over.

In the morning everyone goes back to daycare. M goes back to work, and I'll finally be able to spend more than three seconds on the computer before I have to get up to separate two fighting kids or pull Little L out of the toilet or the pantry.

I promise I'll try not to skip as I leave the daycare, nor will I be late in picking them up. Well, OK. not too late.

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Have you entered the great Ferrero chocolate giveaway? It's not too late yet!

Weekly Winners - Sweet cookie making

Yesterday I kept the girls home from daycare to do a round of play dates. We were crazy busy all morning, but our post nap afternoon was wide open. I almost caved to pathetic pleas for crafts, crafts, and more crafts, before realizing that we could put our efforts to good use by making Valentines Day cookies.

The girls, of course, were more than game.

I hunted down a few ingredients and props and found a recipe for Lollipop Cookies and we were in business. I thought only C would be interested, but Little L pulled up her own chair and got involved. I grabbed the camera and captured some Weekly Winners.

Everyone had to inspect the Popsicle sticks.

And maybe put some in the Stand Mixer.

Only big girls get to decorate cookies.

Little girls find that very unfair.

Big girls are not perturbed by little girl jealousy.

Little girls find that unfair too.

And boring.

Until their big sister gives them some sprinkles.
Then it's awesome.

Then mommy freaks out and gets all controlling
and sends both girls to watch Tinkerbell, the movie.

So she can make purty cookies.

For her hunk of a Valentine.

Hope your Valentines Day was filled with some sort of love and sugar.

It's not too late to send a card that makes people feel good and feeds the hungry too.
And it's definitely not too late to win some yum-o Ferrero chocolate.

Share Something Sweet

Have you sent any Valentines Day cards to anyone this year? No? Not yet? Well, it's not too late and even better, if you procrastinated a bit, now you get to do a doubly good thing.

Hop over to http://www.sharesomethingsweet.com/send_something_sweet and share something sweet with everyone you know. For every card that you send from the Share Something Sweet site The Ferrero Company (of the infamous Ferrero chocolates) will donate $1 to Share Our Strength, a leading hunger relief organization.

So, what are you waiting for? Go send some cards and feed some children!

Oh, and then hop on over to The Lemonade Stand where in honor of this chocolatey love fest the wonderful people of The Ferrero Company and I are giving away not one but two boxes of chocolates.

Happy Valentines Day everyone. I love each and every one of you.

True Love

The nicest thing about my husband is that sometimes he writes my posts for me. For example... um, this one. You might think that it's a little strange considering the first sentence, but that's ok. Let's talk about M. He is such a great guy that he continues to write the post as his lovely wife criticizes every word that he writes (Jessica just said "not every word"). At this very moment, M feels like he is live-blogging his life - and his wife. So right now Jessica is twittering using her Blackberry. I feel so connected just sitting next to her. Anyway, I'm not very good at this blogging thing, so there probably won't be any links or pictures or anything cool like that. Oh wait, maybe I can get Jessica to post the picture of her holding up her computer so that C and L can watch... wait for it... the video to Barbie Girl by Aqua. The best part is that C knows the lyrics after "you can comb my hair... " If Jessica is good enough she will also post a link to the actual video here.



Well if that isn't true love, I don't know what is. Maybe this should be a fun valentine's thing. If you have a blog, get your loved one, significant other.. whatever to post one for you! Leave the link in the comments below.

Jessica speaking: I take no responsibility for that there post. Though I'll admit to embedding the video, but only because it was by far the more palatable alternative to showing you the picture which is now deleted forever because oh. wow. do I need to either throw out that sweatshirt or stop eating cookies like yesterday. And also, why should I be the only one who always has that song pounding through her head?
So, uhm, I guess we'll return to the usual programming tomorrow. See you then. kthnxbai.

The one about tomatoes, migraines, and birth control

I had my first migraine when I was pregnant with C. It started as a tiny shimmer in the corner of my left eye. I kept trying to blink it away and turning my head to see what was shining off to the left. Then the shimmer spread, and spread, and spread, until I felt like I was looking through a kaleidoscope. Shiny! Pretty!

I might have freaked out a bit at that point. And also kept trying to read my email because I was obsessed with email a dedicated employee. Then when I realized that I couldn't see anything at all anymore I decided that my usual "Eh, it'll probably go away by itself" MO just wasn't going to cut it this time.

So I freaked out a bit more and told my coworkers. Who told me I probably had a detached retina and I should put my head back. Word of advice, if you ever need to be calmed down, don't ask my ex-coworkers for help.

A call to the ophthalmologist and I was somewhat reassured. It was either, as they'd speculated, a detached retina, or an optical migraine. Only time would tell. 45 minutes later my vision was clear and the verdict was in. I was suffering from pregnancy induced migraines.

Only now, I'm not so much pregnant any more and yet I'm still suffering from migraines. Even better, now they're no longer optical. Instead, lucky me, I go straight to a blinding headache.

I'm not sure what the trigger is. I think that it has to do with tomatoes or basil, or maybe the combination of both. I'm pretty sure hormones are playing a huge part in the issue, if only because it's gotten worse since I went back on The Pill. In the meantime I'm staying clear of any tomato mozzarella salad, margarita pizzas, spaghetti bolognese, and chicken parmigiana, which is a shame, because that, right there, is pretty much our entire menu rotation.

But really, in the end, it might all work out. You see, if I stop making all of M's favorite meals, I probably won't need to take The Pill much longer, so the situation might just sort itself out.

Did you notice the new digs? Hun? Hun?

I thought about just pretending that nothing was different around here. Pretending that the picture of a toddling C wasn't still running across the header in clothes that her little sister wears these days. But then I remembered how much I hate all those shows where they suddenly replace a main actor and pretend like nothing has changed.

Granted there's a huge difference between a main character in a major TV series and the background design to a blog, but still, it's a pretty big deal to stop by someone's home and have everything look different. It gets downright bizarre when the host acts like nothing is different at all. Am I right?

So, hey! Welcome to the new digs! Nice, isn't it? Karen from simplyamusingdesigns.com created the new look. I'm a little obsessed with it. Just a little. OK. Maybe a lot. Especially the tabs. Did you notice the tabs? Cool, right? And at the very bottom? The cute little Eiffel Tower? Because I'm French and all? And now I have a coolio blog button! Right there, in the left sidebar! You can grab it if you want! Oh, and swoon, did you noticed the cute little stylized J? Up there in the address bar? How ridiculously cool is that?

While you're up there you might notice that there's one other teeny change. The URL of the blog is now http://www.itsjessicaslife.com. It won't change anything for anyone. Your bookmarks, feeds, and everything else are staying just the same. But if you ever want to, say, share the link with anyone, now it's a bit easier to remember.

Now, if you're so inclined, it would be awesome if you would leave a little note in the comments letting Karen know what you think of her design. She and I are both pleased as punch with how it turned out, but we'd love to hear your opinion!

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Time is almost up on the adorable blinged out onesie giveaway at The Lemonade Stand.
Hop on quickly over to discover the cuteness that is Too Hot Tot Bling.

Did you like this post? If you're so inclined, please nominate me.

Mastering the laundry makes me feel so accomplished

If you had heard me say "I mastered the laundry" last month, you would have also heard me laughing hysterically. Because, really, until last month I never thought I'd master the laundry. Me? The queen of "get it all clean and then leave it in a monster pile on the chair in our room and pull stuff out as needed." Me? Master the laundry? Not happening.

And then, well, it happened.

I mastered the laundry.

I got those nifty small laundry baskets for the girls. I put away everything that was outgrown. And I started folding the grown-up stuff one load at a time instead of three weeks at a time. Presto: laundry = done. Sanity = restored. Hahahahaha. If only that were true. Anyway...

In the morning after I shower and get dressed I turn the dryer on for a few minutes to make everything warm. Then, I pull out the kids' clothes and chuck them into their respective baskets, make a neat pile of the grown-up clothes and take them to the bedroom to fold them. On my way back to the kitchen I throw all the clean laundry into the dryer and turn it on. 5, 10 minutes tops and my laundry is taken care of. No more complaints of no pajamas, no matching socks, or favorite shirts that languish in the dirty hamper. We've regained the use of our armchair, and every morning I start the day feeling like I've already accomplished something great.

And that... well, do you know what it does to a person to feel that way every day? Makes you feel like the sky's the limit and just about anything is possible. Like maybe cleaning the kitchen floor. Or, gasp, the bathtub...

(If you're reading this in the feed you're missing out on the gorgeousness that is the new It's my life... design. You should TOTALLY click over and check it out!)

Did you like this post? If you're so inclined, please nominate me.

Weekly Winners - A first haircut

It's late, and I'm tired, but I had to share with you our big momentous event. C's first haircut. Yes. After 3.5 years we finally caved and took her in. You know, because apparently once the hair reaches the child's butt then it becomes a little hard to manage. So, in honor of this major milestone, I bring you this week's Weekly Winners.

No joke. Down to her butt.

This one, not so much.

What? She's like totally older than me.
Plus, see? I have pigtails. It's getting longer.

No stress here.
Just major relaxing in the waiting area.

And then, oh joy, TV!
(Also, say bye bye to the blond curls. Sob.)

Oh, a little stress after all.
But was it because of the TV? Or the hair?

And... SNIP!

Must. Not. Take. Eyes. Off. T.V.

What are they doing to my sister?

Oh. The blond curls.
Sob.

And, tahdah!
Such a grown-up looking pony tail.

Still long, just not as long.

Definitely still gorgeous.

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Adorable blinged out onesie giveaway at The Lemonade Stand. Hop on over to discover the cuteness that is Too Hot Tot Bling.

Rocking the social scene, finally.

If you've been reading this blog for a while you might know that in the past I've been a bit prone to giving in to a bit of anxiety before heading out to any social event. This anxiety has manifested itself over and over again only to prove itself futile as soon as I got to whatever event was causing my stomach to knot up. You know, because one foot in the door and I usually instantly started to have fun.

Tonight I'm going out. I'm going to a BlogHer sponsored event. And guess what? I'm. Not. Anxious. I know! Incredible, right? I'm not only not anxious, but I'm really looking forward to hanging out with the other fabulous bloggers I'm going to meet tonight.

So? Are you proud? Have I come a long way, or what?

In appreciation of the Internet and everyone in it

Over the last couple years I have been blown away again and again by the love and support that pours out of the blogging community. Recently that awe has extended itself to embracing the kindness shown on Twitter and Facebook. Complete strangers reach out and donate money for people running marathons, for families in need, for charities they didn't previously know about. People hand out virtual hugs and pats on the back when they're needed. People offer advice and help at the drop of a hat. Virtual strangers bend over backwards to help each other get jobs, promote businesses, and do anything else that needs to be done to show support for the members of this ephemeral community that lives and breathes in the airwaves above us.

I wouldn't be shocked to know that bloggers, Twitterers, and Facebookers are more likely to help virtual friends than "real" friends. Sometimes it's much easier to help someone you don't ever have to look in the eye. It doesn't really matter. What's important is that people help. They reach out and with the tap of a keyboard, the click of a mouse they change lives.

A couple days ago I had a minor freakout about my life. I was a bit scared of what might come next, a lot doubtful of my abilities and strength. I came here and vented. I opened up and shared my fears and my doubts. And you all rallied.

Thank you.

Thank you to everyone who told me to hang tight. Thank you to everyone who told me to have faith in myself and my talent. Some of you reached out via email and others left comments. I can't tell you how much every one of those messages meant to me. I shouldn't need external validation to value my work, but it sure does help to know that others appreciate it. Knowing that you're there, reading, caring, makes me want to try harder and do better. I want to be the writer you think I am.

I'm not giving up. I'm going to find a way to make this all work. If anyone wants to reach out and offer me a mega million dollar book deal, go right ahead. In the meantime I'll keep doing what I'm doing, writing for free and doing small jobs here and there. And, yes I know you're all right, it'll be ok in the end. Thank you for helping me see that.

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Don't miss the next one! Subscribe via my RSS feed.
And if you're so inclined, please nominate me.

From the mouths of babes: Inside a 3-year-old's mind

"Where's Daddy?"

"He's coming home later, he has to go see a client."
"Oh no! Is he scared?"
"No. Why would he be scared?"
"Because a client is... a client is... a client is a big scary animal with stripes!"
"Uh, no. A client is not a big scary animal with stripes. A client is... uh... ah..."
"Mommy, what's a client?"
"A client is someone daddy goes to help after they get hurt."
"Does daddy help them get better?"
"Not exactly, daddy helps them get money so they can pay the doctor who helps them get better after they get hurt or broken."
"Why does a doctor need a pig?"
"No, not pig, pay. They give money to the doctors."
"Why do they give money to the doctors?"
"Doctors like to help people, but we have to give them money, it's their job."
"Why do the people need doctors to fix them?"
"Well, remember when I told you that our bodies fix themselves when we have booboos? Well, sometimes people get hurt too badly for their bodies to fix themselves and they need a doctor to help."
"Little L went to the doctor. Was she broken?"
"No, she was just sick. We needed medicine to make her feel better."
"I have a booboo..."
"You don't have a very big booboo. Your booboo will get better all by itself."
"But it's soooo big! It's a big brown spot all over my knee!"
"Yes, it's big, but I promise your body can fix it all by itself."
"How mommy? How does my body fix itself?"

And I'll admit, that's when I gave up. I mean, how do you explain to a 3-year-old how the human body can sometimes heal itself, and sometimes it can't? Heck, how do you explain cell regeneration? Or Anything else that goes into a body recovering from a bruise or a scratch? So, I, ah, went for an explanation she could grasp.

"There are teeny tiny little people inside your body that fix your booboos. They're so small you can't see them. No one can."
"Are they fairies?"
"Uh, yeah! Yeah, that's right, fairies."
"With wings?"
"Maybe, I don't know. They're too small, no one has ever seen them."
"Do they talk?"
"I'm sure they do, but no one can hear them."
"I bet they talk. I think they say 'Oh! You have a booboo, let's go fix it!'."
"You know what? I bet you're right. I'm sure that's exactly what they say."

So let's recap: M is a lawyer who sees scary animals with stripes clients so he can help them get money so they can pig pay doctors who fix them when they're too broken for the teeny tiny fairies with wings to fix them on their own. Got it? Yeah, me neither. I'm just glad we got home right then. I have no idea where the conversation would have gone next. Probably back to M helping people, or maybe to who helps the fairies when they get hurt. Who knows. And M wonders why I'm always exhausted when we get home.

************
Too Hot Tot Bling review/giveaway up at The Lemonade Stand. If you're into cute, stylish, hard to resist kid's clothes you should definitely hop on over!

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From the Mouths of Babes: Articulation Lessons from a One-Year-Old

"Meeee na." Little L said looking at me right in the eye.
"Meeeee nnnaaaaa." She repeated when I didn't say anything back.
"Mena? Meena? I don't know what that is cutie. What do you want?"
"Meena." Was all she replied.
"Do you want this?" I asked picking up a banana.
"No nanana. Meeena." She replied, shaking her head.
"I give up. I don't know." She struggled to get down from my arms and toddled over to the kitchen table. She clambered up onto the chair and reached her little body all the way across the table to reach the box of Kleenex. Proudly she hoisted one up into the air and turned to give me a withering stare.
"Meeena." She said, one last time, as she toddled away wiping her nose.

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The threshold to the rest of my life

I knew when I quit my job to focus on writing that I wasn't going to become a millionaire overnight. In fact, I knew that I would likely not earn a dime for the first 6 months. I did however expect that within those 6 months I might make some good contacts, maybe sell an article, hopefully get a decent, somewhat regular gig. Considering the way the Internet and Social Media are exploding it wasn't really too far fetched to assume that something would come along.

I was actually pretty lucky found something pretty early on, but it fizzled out after just a couple months. Ever since I've been working hard to make a name for myself so that I have something to show for the time I've been freelancing, and so I'd have something to point to when people ask to see samples of my work.

I've been writing basic parenting articles Type-A Mom, dispensing advice like How to Diaper a Baby, How to Interview a Babysitter, or Swaddling 101. Stuff that might seem obvious to people who've been parenting for years, but is monumental to new parents.

I've just started writing about party games for the brand new Party Planning Professor site.

And aside from all the other day to day stuff I work on I even have a few other irons in the fire, but nothing that's going to net me an actual paycheck, something that I could be proud to bring home to my family. Every month that goes by without income adds to my guilt. We're not struggling - yet. But we are taping into our savings. And my patient M isn't complaining, but I know that it's stressing him out terribly. It's a horrible time for us to be using up our savings, especially with no real solution in sight. So I stress, and I keep stressing.

There are many things I could be doing to turn The Lemonade Stand into a great site. I could be reaching out to countless companies, asking for products to review, to giveaway, to promote. I could be hyping the site to PR reps and to mompreneurs. I could be talking it up everywhere, getting people to sign up for the RSS feed, posting reviews every day. But all that takes time, and there's no real financial future in it. Just like there's no real financial future for this blog. Or for any of the other sites I contribute to right now.

So, what do I do? Do I keep writing for free and hope that my big break comes along? Do I work to promote my own sites and hope to attract some advertisers? Or do I focus my creative energy on this blog and ease up on the rest while I find a more traditional way to pay the bills?

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